Categories
outdoors Photography Places

Tower Grove: Field of daffodils

I knew that after the sun and rain this week that the daffodils at Tower Grove would be in bloom. All throughout the park were pockets of golden blooms, providing a bit of color — an end to winter and a promise of spring.

Today we walked about the park and looked at the spring flowers, and exhanged smiles with stangers who, like ourselves, are thankful for the gentle weather. At the faux ruins, we watched a couple of ducks make love. I called my roommate a voyeur. He asked, then, what am I? Duck pervert?

We had brunch at the Palm house — savory salmon lasagna, tender ham, and fresh fruit and delicate madelines, with a bit of bread pudding to fill in the corners. We ate outside on the patio next to the lily pond, alternately warmed by the sun and cooled by the gentle breezes. An elderly woman walked by with her old, old dogs and we smiled and said cute dogs. She smiled back, laughingly called them her ‘attack dogs’, as the one nearest came up to me, wheezing, to get a soft pat on the head.

I have an overwhelming desire to wrap myself in beauty and wear it like armor. Whatever anger I felt earlier in the week is gone, burned out. Now all I feel is sadness: for a continuing legacy; for those who have lost their lives too soon; and for those who are afraid. The sadder I feel, the more desperate I am for beauty.

daffodils2.jpg

Categories
Just Shelley

Unemployment insurance—oh yeah

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

One bit of good news is that I was able to successfully file for unemployment insurance in California last week, and I’ll be able to pay for, among other things, my car. Being able to keep Golden Girl was rather important to me.

I’ve been an independent author/contractor for years, which means I don’t really have jobs that ‘end’, so filing for unemployment is not something I’ve ever done. However, technically, I wasn’t self-employed. I was working for my own corporation, and as part of the fees I paid yearly, I paid unemployment insurance. When I closed the corporation in California because of lack of work, technically, I laid myself off.

I used California’s terrific online unemployment system to file for unemployment last week, was determined to be eligible within a day, and have already turned in my first claim.

You might think me brain dead for not filing before now, but you have to remember that I’ve had my corporation for years, and while I had it I was technically employed. Filing required a change in mindset for me. And, to be honest, I thought I would find work by now.

A bit of humor entered into the process when I, as President of Burning Bird Enterprises, Inc. received a letter from EDD in California asking me to confirm that I, as employee, was laid off last year due to lack of work. I should have responded with a note saying I didn’t lay myself off; I fired myself for insubordination.

Or was it sexual harassment?

Categories
Places

ANWR lives on

Got so caught up in events last week that I missed the Senate’s vote to remove the provision about drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge from the budget package. Thankfully Allan caught the information and passed it on.

I know that many in Alaska aren’t happy about the decision. They must now try and get ANWR drilling passed through as part of an energy bill, and last time they tried this, it was killed with a Senate filibuster.

Alaska is one of the few states I’ve never visited, though I’ve wanted to for years. In particular, I’d like to visit ANWR, see it for myself. I thought about driving up to Alaska, along the Alaska-Canadian highway. I know it can be rough in places, but have been assured by those who have gone on it that Golden Girl could make it (in season, of course). Hopefully my US-based license plates wouldn’t cause too many problems in Canada.

Perhaps I need to start a fund raiser — send Burningbird to ANWR.

Regardless, it’s good to know that, at least momentarily, the ANWR will remain an untouched wilderness.

Categories
Connecting

Everyone’s so angry

After our hike yesterday, I and roomie stopped at a local take out place for some dinner, both too tired to cook. As we were waiting another customer started getting uptight at the person behind the counter. However, just as abruptly as he lost his temper he calmed down. After he left, the next person helped mentioned something about the guy getting angry over something pretty trivial. The counter person replied that it had been like this all week. “Everyone’s so angry”, she said.

Everyone’s so angry.

Seems to me about the worst thing we can do is get angry at each other. I know, I know. I said that anger can be a healthy thing, and it can be. Anger can pull you out of depression, and can galvanize you to make a change, in the world and in your life.

But getting angry because adding a sauce costs extra for a sandwich isn’t healthy. Neither is getting angry because a person doesn’t agree with you. And last I heard, throwing rocks during a peace demonstration never convinced anyone to stop a war.

Categories
Just Shelley

Cruising

I rarely drive at night, but tonight, as the sun started to set, I wanted nothing more than to get out of the house and on to the road. The weather was summer warm today, being pushed by last winter’s breath tonight. I hoped into Golden Girl, rolled down the windows, turned the radio to a good station and just started driving. No where in particular. Away from the city. Away from the people.

Traffic’s always light early here — all the good people are at home, settled down at dinner table or in front of the television. Most likely they were catching up with the day’s news as I started the drive. The ultimate reality show. Survivors: Showdown in Baghdad.

My hair whipped about and into my face. I’ve let it get a bit long and normally I’ll keep it pulled back if I have the window down; otherwise I end up with a curly mess. Tonight, though, it felt good to have my hair flying about as I sped up, turning corners, feeling the leather of the steering wheel slip softly through my hands.

My elbow rested on the open window and my head rested on my hand, but I wasn’t dreaming. I was aware of my surroundings, keeping a lookout for tiny eyes lit up by the lights. My little bubble on wheels, she drives a treat when you get her out of the city. Hugs the road as if she’s found her long lost lover.

On the radio, Creed’s One Last Breath starts playing:

Please come now I think I’m falling
I’m holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

I’m looking down now that it’s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s somthing left for me
So please come stay with me
‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking.