Be afraid…be very afraid

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.


qB, in Red or Dead aka How to Kill grey squirrels:

I find my antipathy to our grey furry red-genocidal disease-toting verminous arboreal cockroaches is not unique. There’s even a National Squirrel Awareness Week site with imaginative suggestions from readers as to things to do with squirrels. I particularly enjoy ‘I will run over a squirrel with my tractor’ and the positively glowing ‘im gonna shove a light bulb between every squirrels hairy cheeks and make sum rodent lamps’.

Our apartment complex is crawling with the little grey buggers, but supposedly these critters are native to this area, and therefore not considered a pest species. Still, we put out food for the rabbits and the birds, but none for the squirrels who get plenty from all the nut-bearing trees around.

Grey squirrels were a pest back in the Northwest, and virtually killed off the native, less aggressive red squirrel. We also used to have problems with them getting into our bird feeders, but nothing prepared us for the day they discovered the cat door.

My ex-husband was an M & M junkie at the time, and we usually had a bowl of peanut M & M’s in the family room. One day we came in to find the bowl on the ground, and bitten through M & M candy shells all over the floor. The squirrels had found the cat door, came in, and had a merry old feast.

Now, what qB needs is the black squirrels from California. It’s the only squirrel species I know that can hold its own and beat the greys. What we should do is box some up, and ship them over to England where we can release them in the parks…

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