Categories
Diversity Writing

The perfect woman

Ladies! Ladies! Please stop your housekeeping for one moment and pay attention to some absolutely vital information. A wonderful new treat is heading to the bookshelves in February, ladies. I know that you’re all shivery in anticipation just from my introduction, but be sure to fold your towels and take the curlers out of your hair before you rush past your 5.3 children on the way to the store to buy it.

What is this new treat? Why, dear hearts, it’s none other than Phyllis Schlafly’s newest book, Feminist Fantasies! Isn’t this just the biggest thrill!

Now, now, don’t swoon. I know that we couldn’t ask for a better valentine’s present, and you’re all agog in anticipation.

Don’t pee your panties, ladies, but there’s more — none other than Ann Coulter has written the forward to it! Yes! I would not josh you, ladies! Ann Coulter, herself! I am beside myself. Just beside myself.

Now you can tell that big, strong man in your life what to get you for Valentine’s Day instead of a silly box of chocolates (not to mention that you’ve gained a few pounds anyway, darling, and nothing turns that handsome man of yours off more than bulky thighs). Just make sure you re-assure him that you won’t take time out from your wifely duties to read it. You tell Charlie that Charlene, Charlie Joe, Billy Chuck, Cherrie Charlie, and Bob are more important than a book, even one as important as “Feminist Fantasies”.

However, since I am such a tease I thought I would re-print some of the advanced review of the book. Just for you, my darlings.

Just for you.

 

So, this feminist writer in her thirties started interviewing smart young women in their twenties and she learned quite a lot. She discovered that, among women in their twenties, “feminism has become a dirty word.” She discovered that young women in their twenties have concluded that feminists are “unhappy,” “bitter,” “angry,” “tired,” and “bored,” and that the happy, enthusiastic, relaxed women are not feminists. The writer found that young women are especially turned off by feminism because of its “incredible bitterness.” She admitted that “feminism had come to be strongly identified with lesbianism.”

The Wall Street Journal ran a series of news stories about the disruption in corporations and law firms caused by the wave of pregnancies at the managerial and professional levels. Since more women hold high-level jobs, their time off for pregnancy has caused serious company disruptions. In the past eight years, the number of women over thirty having a child has almost doubled

A study by the advertising firm of Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborne discovered that “the professional homemaker is a happy woman who feels good about herself and her ability to stick to her decision to remain at home, even under strong societal pressure to find an outside job.” She is feminine and traditional; she is not feminist.

 

I’m so excited about this book, my dears, that I’ve decided to celebrate it’s publication with a series of weblog postings focusing on Phyllis Schlafly and her impact on culture, titled The Perfect Woman in the inaugural launch of the new Evil Woman weblog.

Coming to a browser near you, February 5th.

Categories
Writing

Who is Ray and why is he on my book?

I’ve always been partial to Amazon, but as an author I have to say that the company’s data systems suck.

For instance, if you search on my name, “Shelley Powers”, you’ll find several of my books, such as Essential Blogging, Unix Power Tools 3rd edition, and so on. However, you’ll also find me on a few other computer books I’ve either never been involved with, or only peripherally involved with.

For instance, you’ll find Sybex’s Mastering Visual C# in my authored list, but you won’t see my name on the book. The reason why is because I pulled out of the C# book when I found out how Sybex handles its authors — poorly. I then high tailed it back to O’Reilly just in time to be a pain in the butt to Simon St. Laurent, my current editor.

However, once your name has been linked to a book in the vaults of Amazon’s data jungle (was that a mixed metaphor?), it’s linked for life. No matter how many times you write them, they won’t fix the problem.

My name is also linked with the Webmaster’s Guide to the Wireless Internet, and all I did for Syngress is create the outline for them. That’s it.

A few of the books in the list are Spanish and Portuguese language versions of some of my books. They’ve always liked me in Brazil for some reason. I’m a big hit there. I’m also a hit in Russia, and have Russian language books for Developing ASP Components and Dynamic HTML. What’s odd is my name looks different on both.

There’s another Spanish-language book with the title “Curso Completo de Cata de Vinos”. I’m not completely sure of the title, but I’m sure I never wrote a book on wine, or have ever been approached to write a book on wine. Now, if I was ever approached to write a book on margaritas…

What was a shocker for me, though, was when I discovered that Amazon has put another author’s name, a Ray Lischner, on my baby, my “Practical RDF”. Who the hell is Ray Lischner, and why is he on my book? That’s my book. Mine! Mine! Mine! Well, and O’Reilly’s, too.

What’s worse is that now that he’s been linked with the book in the Amazon vaults, he’s there for life. Grrr.

 

Categories
Just Shelley

Lessons from the tortoise

My back and leg have progressively been getting better and the weather warmed up so that I could get out for a small, light walk today. Being outdoors, even for just a little while, going for a walk again, these all work for me better than all the drugs in the world.

There’s this pile in front of me, it’s got a large sign that reads, “Things Shelley can’t control” and the pile is big. Huge. However, if I stop focusing on it, fixating on it, and open my eyes and look around, there’s a smaller pile over to the side and a little to the back, with a tiny sign that reads, “Things Shelley can control”. I’m going to get up and move my butt over to sit in front of the smaller pile, and put the Big Pile of Stuff I can’t control behind me. I’m not going to look at it because there’s nothing I can do about it.

I can’t afford the doctor to get my back checked out, but there are things I can do now. I started today with the small, gentle walk, and I didn’t fall, and I feel pretty good right now. I can also control what I eat, and can alter my diet to foods that feed the brain, and calm the soul, and heal the bones and muscles. And as a special treat, I’ll include in this diet a tiny box of Godiva chocolates every once in a while, when I’ve been particularly good. Because we all know that chocolate is good for the soul.

Beginning Monday, I hit the gym associated with the housing complex and start re-building muscles to take the strain off the lower back, knees, and ankles. Slow but sure, and with plenty of careful stretching. All that I learned years ago during Karate classes can now be put to use as I carefully re-introduce my body to good health. And I’ll feel better when I’m working out because this will be something I can control, and feeling better in my mind will make me feel better in my body. Health is as much a matter of mind as it is the body.

I can’t afford to make the payments on my bills or to pay the state of California or the IRS what I owe them, but I can work things out with each. I can write them and call and come up with a plan we can all live with. Smaller payments will allow me to stretch my dollars, or to make it in a job with a lower income. By doing this, I don’t have to default on my debt so my creditors and California and the IRS get paid. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep Golden Girl.

Sure my credit will take a hit for a while, but I’ll just have to refrain from buying that huge diamond bracelet on tick. Or the new TiBook.

Such things I’ve been getting incensed over. I can’t believe I got all uptight about weblog links. Weblog links! I mean, can we find anything in the world more inconsequential than weblog links, blogrolls, and all that crap? Well, okay, the study that re-enacted the gunfight at the OK Corral in order to determine why only 8 bullets out of 30 rounds found a target, that’s more inconsequential. But just barely.

I’ve also been getting pretty frustrated at Bush and how he’s running the country into the ground while he spends all of his time focusing on the Prize that is Iraq. Oh, I get angry, and every time I do, I tense up and then I start moving in an agitated manner and I strain my back all over again.

“Damn f**cking a**hole! Ow!”

I can’t stop Bush from doing what he’s doing, but I can stop getting angry and frustrated about it because all this does is burn calories and cause me to hurt myself. I’ll focus, instead, on what I can do, which is write, vote, and protest, hopefully with others. What I can’t do alone, in my house fuming in front of the TV going red in the face every time I see that Man, I might be able to accomplish in concert with others. Or not, but I’m not going to spiral in on what I can’t control.

I have to get rid of my storage unit in San Francisco. Okay. My roommate, who is a wonderful person, has offered to take some time off and rent a small truck and we’re going to head over in February and load as much as we can to bring back. Won’t be all of it, but that’s okay. Goodwill is one block away from the storage unit and they can use the stuff. As for the books, I’ll have to get rid of about half of them, but I can keep half, which is more than I expected a few weeks back.

I figured out what to do with the books I can’t bring back — I’m giving them to the homeless shelters in the area, because I have a hell of a lot more than they do, and I have friends and family who will make sure that I never have to try and find a way to stay warm when it’s -20 outside.

I’ll have to sell my mineral collection, and my better pieces of jewelry, but you know, I hardly ever wear the jewelry — gets in the way when I hike — and the rocks are collecting dust, anyway. Time to stop hanging on to the baggage, because all it is stuff. I’m keeping the lava lamps, though, as gifts for some friends of mine. Lava lamps shouldn’t be sold, they should be given because lava lamps are a state of mind.

I’m also keeping my current TiBook, which you can get from me only if you can pry it from my cold dead fingers. That and my camera. The great thing about digital is you don’t have to pay for developing or printing.

I haven’t been able to find a job, and that’s been about the worst for me; I’ve worked since I was 16 years old. But this is one I have to let go of. I have to concentrate on what I can control, which is finishing the book for O’Reilly, and digging up some other paid writing. And if I can’t find a computer job, or technical writing, or training, then I may have to look for work outside my field, but such is life. I was a waitress more than once, and have worked an assembly line years ago; if I have to wait tables again. or help cap bottles of Budweiser, I will. This is what people do when the economy takes a nose dive.

My Dad did this years ago during the Depression. He quit college, and worked jobs ranging from being a lumber man in Alaska, to working the rails for the railroad down in the lower 48. My Dad is 92 years old, and I truly believe the reason he’s still alive today is that he’s never spent a moment of his life shaking his fist at the world and railing at it for being unfair.

Time for my father’s daughter to make like a chip off the old block. We Powers, we come from a long line of Irish fighters who used to, I have been told, pour molten lead down our enemies throat. My family doesn’t raise quitters. Or people who sit in front of piles of stuff they can’t control.

Categories
Writing

Mockingbird’s Wish

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

The news spread first as a whisper and then as a shout: First Mother was granting to each creature one wish. One wish, only, but whatever was asked, would be granted. Mockingbird heard the news from Hawk who head the news from Sparrow who heard the news from Robin and the forest was atwitter with the sound of the birds as they discussed this extraordinary event.

When the Great Day came, all the birds gathered in the Glen, bending the limbs of the trees until they grumbled and groaned out from the weight. Suddenly, a smell of new grass and old dirt and the sound of sea breeze and rustling sand and the light of the sun and the moon entered the Glen, and all the birds bowed low because this was First Mother, the first of all of them. The light was so bright they could not see her form, but they could feel her warmth, and when she spoke each word seemed weighted, as if pulled from Time itself.

:My friends, today I give each of you a wish. One wish only, but whatever you ask, I will grant it.

The birds clacked their beaks and moved their wings until the Glen was full of the sound of feathers; but they fell still when First Mother spoke again.

:Before you ask your wish, though, think hard, and think long. Whatever you ask will be given on to you and to all your descendants for all time. Do not spend your wish foolishly.

And, as the words ended, a beam of light shone out from the glory of First Mother and fell on Cardinal.

:What will you have Cardinal?

Cardinal shied back at first, startled at being the center of eyes, shaken by the light that shown dully on its plain brown feathers. After a moment, though, it spoke out.

“First Mother, I have long been plain. Neither small, nor large, with no interesting markings and no particular song. I would wish, more than anything, to be beautiful. To be of a color so rich that it is noted throughout all lands. This is what I truly wish.”

:So be it, Cardinal.

The light on Cardinal began to intensify and became so bright that all of those in the Glen had to turn away because it hurt their eyes so. When it suddenly stopped, the birds blinked their eyes to adjust to the darkness. As each recovered its sight it turned towards Cardinal, and gasped out at what it beheld.

Where Cardinal had been, dull and brown and plain and unseen, now stood a glorious creature of incredible color! Rich red shown from its wings and around its face dark velvety black. Slowly, Cardinal became aware of the other birds stares and tentatively stretched its own wing out. When it beheld its beauty and its color, which shown out even in the darkness, it was overcome, bringing both wings over its face, body trembling with joy at the change. When it could finally speak, it whispered out, “First Mother, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and thank you from all my descendants throughout all time”. At those words, Cardinal bowed low to the ground.

Cardinal among trees

The act was repeated many times. The shining light, the wish, the incredible change. On through the afternoon and through the night and the next day, First Mother granted the wishes of whomever the light shown.

Eagle wished for sight that would allow it to spot food from high above. Pelican wished for a beak that would allow it to hold many fish. Crow asked for cunning, and when it made its bow in gratitude, unlike the other birds it kept one eye cocked towards First Mother, always alert for the main chance.

Owl asked to see at night, and Nightingale asked for glorious song. In fact, many birds asked for a special song, all of their own, all unique and beautiful. To listen to each sing their first song after their wish was granted was a glorious experience indeed.

Mockingbird watched all of this in wonder and more than a little envy. It thought it to itself, “I would have liked to have the red of the Cardinal, and the eyesight of the Eagle, and the song of the Nightingale, but they were asked first.”

As time went by and other birds had their wishes granted — Seagull to fly and Penguin to swim and Ostrich to run — Mockingbird’s envy grew, until in the midst of its discontent an idea came to it. The Idea of all Ideas! It smiled to itself, sure that it’s wish would be the best of all. When its turn finally came, when it felt the heat and warmth of the beam, Mockingbird knew what to ask.

:What will you have Mockingbird?

“First Mother”, it said. “I have listened to the song you’ve given Nightingale and Canary and Meadowlark. And I asked myself why should I have only one song, one sound, when I can have many.” Mockingbird boldly looked into the light that was First Mother.

“That is my wish — to have all the songs of all the birds of the world. To be able to hear any bird and any song and sing as sweetly or as cleverly as they do. I want all the songs, First Mother. All of them.”

:Mockingbird, your wish is both vast and shallow. Are you sure of your wish? Are you sure that what you want is all the songs of all the birds?

“Yes, First Mother. I am”, Mockingbird replied, smug in the knowledge that First Mother would grant the request.

:So be it, Mockingbird.

Slowly the air around Mockingbird brightened until it had to close its eyes from the light. A faint shock went through its body and settled in its throat, and it knew that its wish had been granted. As it waited for the light to dim, and to be able test its new abilities, it was surprised to hear what sounded like a sad sigh within the glow around it.

After the beam stopped and the light faded, all the birds looked at it in silence. “This will never do”, thought Mockingbird to itself. “You there, Canary. Sing something!”

Canary moved to protest but of course the protest issued forth as glorious song. And after a few notes, Mockingbird felt something come over it and opened its beak and from its throat came sounds twin to Canary. Canary was so surprised it’s song sputtered to an indignant stop.

Though its song was lovely, indeed, Mockingbird wasn’t satisfied. “You, there, Meadowlark! Sing!”, it demanded.

As with Canary when Meadowlark sought to protest its protest came out as song and soon the sounds of Meadowlark joined the song of Canary, and were eventually joined by Nightingale and Robin and Finch and so on until Mockingbird’s song outshone all of them for it’s intricate beauty and complex melody, one bird’s song after another. Even the trees were moved to silence and ceased their complaints at the wonder of the sound.

The other birds were not happy because what was once uniquely their’s now belonged to another. However, they didn’t complain because to do so would be ungrateful to First Mother.

After all the wishes had been granted and after First Mother left the Glen, the birds dispersed to their homes, some to plains, some to the sea, and some to forest where Mockingbird made its home. Over time other creatures came to the trees and they were eventually joined by First Man and First Woman. Villages sprang up and roads were built. and Mockingbird took delight in siting in the trees near the villages, singing its song, well satisfied when it looked down on the entranced faces that stared at it.

One day Mockingbird was sitting in a tree near the road when an old man and a little girl walked beneath it. It began its song, a complex weaving of Chickadee, flowing into Hawk cry, mixed with the mournful tone of Owl, and ending on delicate otherworldly chimes of Hummingbird. The old man and the girl stopped, caught in the spell of the sweet sound.

“Grandfather, what kind of bird is that, which can sing so many songs!”, the little girl asked.

“Well, granddaughter, that is Mockingbird. And it can sing all the songs of all the birds in the world. In fact, there is no song it cannot hear that it cannot sing.” The old man sighed. “Is it not beautiful?”

“It is grandfather. A lovely sound indeed.”

The little girl listened for a time and then turned to her grandfather, a puzzled expression on her face.

“But Grandfather, what is Mockingbird’s true song? How can we tell which song is true and which song copied if it sings all the songs of all the birds in the world?”

“Granddaughter, the Mockingbird has no song of its own. It’s only sound is that which it borrows from others.” At that the girl seemed sad, and the old man hastened to reassure her. “But isn’t its song beautiful and rich? Why are you so sad?”

“Because, grandfather, the Mockingbird has no song of its own.”

On hearing this Mockingbird’s sound faltered and it fell silent. When the song ended, the old man and the little girl, released from the spell of the music, walked away, leaving Mockingbird alone with its thoughts.

Thoughts now filled with regret.

Categories
Just Shelley

Creaky body update

Today the sun is out, and a morning dove just landed on my office window sill, giving my cat Zoe the thrill of her life. The dove coo’d and Zoe did her little meow-clack-meow-clack sound she makes when she spots Prey. This didn’t worry the dove terribly because even doves are smart enough to know that there’s a barrier between her and the Predator.

The amazing bird tree across the road is just filled with a variety of bird life today — mockingbirds, cardinals, chickadees, doves, you name it. I don’t know what it is about this tree that collects all the birds from the neighborhood. I do know if the apartment ever made moves to cut it down, I would chain myself to it.

Speaking of chains, pretty much desk and bed bound at this point in time. My back has worsened, to the point of waking me up at night. However, one thing in my favor is that Advil works especially well with me…and there’s always my margaritas at night. For medicinal purposes, of course.

Yes, as soon as I get my next advance, I am going to the doctor. I hear you all making this suggestion with a certain amount of exasperation in your voices.

But, oh, this day was made for hiking…