Category: Just Shelley

Recovered from the Wayback Machine. It’s funny, but everything worked out. Yes, I lost most of my stuff in storage when I finally had to just sell the contents. And that still causes me to wince a bit. Not as much as losing my beloved Zoe, years later. The California tax person I talked to said, just don’t worry about it. It’s only a problem if I move back to California. As for the IRS? I actually went on the offense with the IRS rep and _she_ backed off. So there you go. 

As you can tell from postings today, I am in a seriously down mood. This is one of those days when I should just step away from the keyboard and walk away slowly, but it’s also matched with this perverse idea of wanting to just talk about it.

I’m lost in this never-ending spiral of worry that’s confusing me and leaving me with little energy. I am on the verge of losing everything. Everything I own. And the worry was compounded yesterday when I got letters from both the IRS and the California State revenue boards (synchronous bad news — there was a little beauty to the serendipity of it). Letters state, bluntly, that I’m in a world of trouble because of taxes paid, unpaid, and filings not made on time when I closed down my corporation in California. I misunderstood what I needed to do, but that doesn’t quite hack it for the IRS. My problem, but I don’t know what to do about it, and it’s scary because I don’t have the money to pay the state, and I’m not sure what kind of fines I’m facing with the IRS but they’re bad.

No, I am not passing the hat. I’m just talking. That’s all. Talking.

And normally I would walk to help with the stress, but every time I try it hurts badly in my lower back and all I can do is drag one foot along behind me with every step. And I refuse to start drinking for the pain at 10 in the morning.

Again, I’m NOT passing the hat, and wouldn’t take financial help if you offered (Tax help I’d take. And a spare job if you have it. Back rub would be good.) But these are things in my life now that are heavily influencing my interactions with you all.

I’m also not asking for ‘pity’ because pity should be reserved for those who have no control over their lives, and screwed up as it is, my life is still mine. That’s really something very important when you consider the alternatives facing all of us these days. And I still have a brain, as well as a keyboard, and Internet connection with which to do serious harm with said brain. I can still see and its a lovely sunny day outside, and the trees are full of birds. I still have my soft furry friend, Zoe, who has sensed my stress the last few days and hasn’t left my side for a moment. (And I’m pretty sure the IRS won’t want Zoe.) And I’m listening, because I can, to a new Creed CD, a late Christmas present from my brother. Tonight I start reading, because I can, Austerliz by W.G. Sebald, an on-time Christmas present from a friend.

And I still have my looks. Hee.

Writing about these things, and sharing them, makes them seem just a tad less overwhelming, which is why sometimes we write about the bad times in our lives. Oddly enough, just writing this post has helped me because what started out in despair, ended with an odd sort of peace. It’s a bit sucky right now, but it could be worse.

Best of all, I actually found that in all that moroseness that my sense of humor is still here. I just need to find someone new to pick on. That will make me feel better.

(And BTW — thanks for listening.)

Going to borrow Dorothea’s blogclog concept and list out things I want to write about, but have no energy for at this moment.

The first is my Quotes system, as part of my Year of Linking Dangerously. I know you all think I’m after you to throw out your blogrolls and get rid of your links. Not at all. I’m just implementing something different for my weblog that won’t be subject to the whims of time and change. I hope to have a rough test implementation on this in a day or two. There will still be links, it’s just that they’ll be a little smarter is all.

Second: Michael sent me the link to this article about the lack of women in the computer profession. This is the type of article that generates a great deal of conversation, and I hope to be a part of it. But I just don’t have the energy to start the conversation tonight. You first.

As for me, all I want to do is go to bed after taking a handful of Advil washed down with a margarita.

Now, hear me out before you condemn my stupidity.

I did go to the park today for a light, gentle hike, at Washington Park, to be exact. Except that I had read my guide wrong and instead of grade two hikes, these were grade four, which is one level below absolute wilderness.

It was cold and only a few people were about, none on the trails. I started out at the Thousand Steps trail, and it wasn’t too bad — a barely visible dirt path buried under leaves along a meandering creek; rough road but passable, even with a sore hip. Well, until I got to the Steps.

The Steps are really incredible — rough, hand hewn stones set into the side of a steep hill to give people some stability for their climb. Except over time the stones had settled and drifted about and now it’s a toss up as to which is worse to climb: the Steps or the hillside directly.

This was a level four climb, and that was a level four path and there was no way I was going to attempt it with a sore hip, no walking stick, and wearing my tennis shoes. Do you think I’m daft, now?

When I got back to the car I checked the guide again and saw my mistake on the level of difficulty for the trails. But another trail, the Opossum Track Trail promised to provide relatively easy going until it hit what it called “The Exercise Hill”. I decided to walk it until the Hill.

The trail was a little rougher than the Steps, but fairly level and extremely pleasant. The path followed a creek that was partially frozen and it was cool but sunny. No highway noise, which was a treat.

When the trail started getting a bit rough for my hip, I turned around. During the return walk, I heard gun shots in the distance, surprising me as I didn’t think hunting season was in effect and the guns sounded a bit close. Not close enough to be a danger to me, but too close to the Park, itself.

Being out there in the rough woods with not a soul around and listening to the far off gun shots reminded me of the movie Deliverance. I thought to myself, I’d have to hook the song into the posting when I covered my little hike today. In fact, I was so caught up in thinking about the weblog that I stepped on a hidden stone, twisting my ankle and losing my footing, started to fall and grabbed out at a smallish tree, thereby pulling my body around with considerable force and causing massive pain to the same hip and lower back area that was injured in my previous fall.

(Where’s that damn gooseneck lamp when you need it.)

Though not particularly fun, I made it back to the car. What normally would have taken about 15 minutes took over an hour, but I made it.

Before you say that you have no sympathy for me for getting hurt while hiking through unknown, rough, peopleless woods with a injured hip, I know — it was a damn stupid, macho trick. I know, I know — stooooopid. However, if I had been paying attention, I still wouldn’t have been hurt.

Injured while weblogging and without a keyboard in sight. That has to be a first.

Not that everyone is breathless with anticipation of my next health update, a quick message about status of back, legs, walking, and combination thereof.

One thing about being a klutz, you heal fairly quickly. I’m doing much better. I can sit at my desk now, which accounts for frenzy of activity lately. And I can stand and walk, though I still have that deep ache in my hip, lower back area. I’m thinking some careful walking about will take care of that. At this moment, the gooseneck lamp’s chances for survival are quite good.

I was going to take my lazy butt out for a smallish hike yesterday, but the trail I want to try is too far away, so I’m heading out now. The new trail has some interesting whatnots, including Missouri’s only petroglyphs, as well as hand carved rock steps in places. From the park description, the paths sound to be fairly even though they can be a little steep at times. However, I’ll shuffle along, using caution, remembering that at my advanced age (40’s), I’m an old fart, and can’t skip about like a fresh young kitten anymore.

Will take photos. Of course.

I received a letter from the storage company I rent a unit from in San Francisco — it’s raising the rate on my unit in February. I can’t continue with it so I have to figure out what to do with my ‘wordly goods’.

Once I have a break in writing and screwing around with the technology for this weblog I’ll head over to crawl through the stored items — figure out what to keep and what to sell, and stuff the items I’ll keep into a van I’ll borrow from my roommate.

So this is advance notice for a ‘garage sale’ in San Francisco — webloggers only.

Did I happen to mention I have 11 lava lamps? And then there’s my extensive mineral collection — don’t you all want a lovely dioptase or rhodochrosite thumbnail speciman? Or a Fluorite cabinet crystal? And a bed, table, bookshelves, futon loveseat, and so on. The usual.

But I’m not sure what to do with all my books. I think I’ll just donate them to the library system.