Recovered from the Wayback Machine.
All that talk the last two days about diversity gave me a great idea for a business. I am so excited, I just can’t tell you how excited I am about this incredible new opportunity.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you:
Yes, you heard about it here, first! Diversity Dolls! Now, the next time you have an important meeting or conference and you want to show that you’re interested in diversity, just blow up one or more Diversity Dolls, dress it in the appropriate clothing and position it in the room or around a table. Instant diversity!
Diversity Dolls are very lifelike, and you can order them with the hairstyle of your choice: sophisticated short or slightly weedy, techy long. And you can get Diversity Dolls in all races, sexes, and ages.
Not enough Blacks and women coming to your meeting? No Problem! Order a couple of black female Diversity Dolls and you’ve solved two problems with one purchase. You can’t beat that! Need to show religious diversity? No problem! Rent a Priest Diversity Doll!
These dolls inflate in minutes, can be posed sitting or standing, and all have lifelike expressions. In fact, you’ve seen Diversity Dolls at the last conference or meeting you attended and didn’t even know it, that’s how lifelike these dolls are. And unlike real people, Diversity Dolls won’t drink up all the Starbucks Lattes, eat up all the Krispy Kremes, or ask questions during the meeting!
However, for those times when Diversity Dolls just won’t do, then step up—rent a real Diversity Person! Yes, you can rent a real live, walking, talking person of your preferred demographic, attired in appropriate garb, and with characteristics and speech to match the focus of your meeting or conference. Is this a deal or what?!
Business meeting? Diversity People will wear suits and make a lot of useless marketing statements. Technical conference? Diversity People will wear jeans, button down shirts, and talk about Linux and Open Source a lot.
But what if you don’t need a real person? What if all you need is a name? For instance, if you’re holding a technical conference and the ratio of men to women speakers is 10:1, you don’t need more women — you need more women’s names.
No problem! Diversity Inc. is proud to offer you a fine selection of Diversity Names, names guaranteed to sound female regardless of culture and language. For instance, one of our choice Diversity Names is the following:
Now, isn’t that a nice name? Well, it’s yours for a small fee! You can rent this name by the day or week for an incredibly low price. What’s more, if you need to have your Diversity Name blog the conference, we can provide this service for an additional, nominal fee, and no one will be able to tell the difference between the weblog of a real attendee and a Diversity Name weblog!
Folks, I have to tell you, it’s not often that I can fulfill a genuine need for my fellow webloggers. It brings a tear to my eye when I think about all the good I’ll be able to do here for you, at Diversity, Inc. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.
Air to blow up dolls not included