Categories
Just Shelley

Nightmare

For the first time since I can remember, I had the most horrible nightmare last night. The kind that you have to fight to wake from, and when you do your heart is beating so hard you think you’ll wake the neighbors.

I dreamed that I was in a car somewhere out in the country and it was dark and there was someone after me. I remember in the dream that I couldn’t see through the windshield very well, especially when the person after me smashed a bar down on the glass, creating a spiderweb of cracks. I remember in the dream continuously turning the key in the ignition and though I didn’t hear the sound of the engine turning over, the car moved. However, the car was moving so slowly, it was like going through molasses. And as I was moving, I knew this person (whose face I never could see) was catching up to me. He was behind me. He was near my left rear tire. He was near my door, running, reaching out for the handle…

I actually had to struggle to wake up. And when I did I lay in bed in the dark and listened to the sound of cars on the freeway and the fan in my room and my heart beating and blew a kiss to the night air in thanks that the damn thing was only a dream.

So — what does it mean, all you dream analysis people? Other than I should cut back on my consumption of ruby red grapefruit (one of my favorite foods).

Categories
Just Shelley Political

My thanks to the pundits

Epiphany. After years and years of being cautious in my support of politics and careful in my understanding of all sides to an issue, I finally realized today that I have been pushed over the edge into “leftist liberalism”.

(Note that twenty years ago, I would be labeled a “leftist commie” rather than a “leftist liberal”. Sign of the times.)

I am finding that today, there exists a demand that one “choose a side” or that a side will be chosen for them. This concept is difficult for me because for years I wouldn’t “take a side”; I prefered to explore each issue on its own merit. Well, that’s all changed now. I am a leftist liberal. Better, I’m a leftist liberal who blogs.

My thanks to all those with such limited vision and narrow views — you’ve opened my eyes to the way things will be.

Categories
Critters Just Shelley

The Yellow and Black Skunk

When I was a young’un, I lived on a farm several miles outside of Kettle Falls, in Washington state. Below the farm was an undeveloped field with a dirt road running through it that connected several homes. And below the road and the field was Lake Roosevelt. Surrounding all of this was bits and pieces of the Colville National Forest.

Back in those more innocent days, my mother let me go down to the field by myself as long as I didn’t go down to the water.

I loved this field of tall golden weeds. Since I was only about five at the time, the weeds would come up to my chest and I could look out on a sea of waving fronds and imagine I was on a ship in the ocean.

I loved the dust of the dirt road and would walk it slowly, sucking on the end of a grass blade pulled from the side of the road, occasionally chasing after a grasshopper or butterfly. Every once in a while I would see another critter such as a deer or a skunk, always trying to entice the former towards me, always giving considerable room to the latter.

Imagine a soft, warm summer afternoon, blue sky, glimmer of light reflection off of the water in the distance, the sound of insects and birds the only noise. And absolutely nothing to do but walk along the road and think thoughts of faraway places and strange new doings, such as my cousin coming for a visit and my Uncle giving my brother a rifle and not me because I was a girl. I got a stupid china tea set. You know the kind of thoughts — a child’s thoughts.

One day, there was a movement in the field towards my left. I stopped and looked, hand over eyes to shade the sun, squinting my eyes al-most tight (sign of glasses to come the following year), trying to see what was causing the motion.

Up a head pops and then down it goes.

What?

Up a head pops and then down it goes again.

What is that?

Again, the head appears and I have a better view. It’s golden and kind of flat and has black markings.

That’s not a deer. Too small for a deer.

Up the head pops and then down it goes again.

That’s not a bunny. It’s too big.

Up and down.

That’s not a skunk though it does have markings like a skunk.

I watched this strange creature for some time. I wasn’t frightened. If anything I thought this new experience was a huge treat considering the usual activity associated with a warm sunny afternoon, such as standing in the middle of a road of dust, listening to the insects rub wings and legs.

Up the head would pop, down it would go, each jump moving it farther away until with a last rustle, it disappeared into the woods.

I ran home and opened the door and there was my mother, washing something in the sink, the smell of good things to eat hanging in the late afternoon air. I remembered running up to her, excited, telling her in the jumbled child manner about this creature in the field that had these black markings and it jumped up and down and up and down and up…

“That’s a skunk, honey, You just saw a skunk is all.”

A yellow and black skunk? Well, okay. If you say so, Mama.

So I went for the just the longest, longest time, with this memory in my head of my warm, sunny afternoon and the field of gold and the dusty road, and my yellow and black skunk.

Until the day when I was looking at a new picture book and realized that my skunk was a bobcat.

Categories
Weblogging Writing

And the truth shall set you free

I suffered a bit of an eye opener today when I read Jonathon’s response to my weblog posting and follow up from yesterday regarding self-justification. He wrote:

Yet, even though I don’t regard Oblivio as a weblog, others might. I suppose it could be mistaken for a weblog, just as Michael Barrish could be mistaken for a real person. He probably is a real person since he also uses the website to solicit web development work (though he maintains separate sites for each purpose, for reasons he explains in the story Motherfucker ). But Barrish is also a character who appears in his own stories. As does Rachel, his girlfriend. Whether she really exists and whether she’s his girlfriend is impossible to determine, without knowing Michael Barrish. Even then, the real-life Rachel may bear only a fleeting resemblance to the Rachel in the stories. (Just like the women in some of my stories.)

Of all possible outcomes of yesterday’s writing, what I didn’t expect is that the story that originated my passion might be allegorical rather than experience. I am left wondering whether I am a sophisticated patron of the arts or an incredibly gullible fool. And that’s the inherent danger of mixing the art of creation within the context of experiential recounting.

Jonathon continues with:

So, you might be asking, what’s the point of all this? The point is this: there seems to be an implicit agreement amongst webloggers to speak with an authentic voice, to tell the truth as they see it, to give witness, according to the dictates of journalism.

Storytelling depends on a belief that an artfully constructed fiction is frequently more truthful than a carefully described fact.

Must all webloggers speak of true experiences? Not at all, as witness the excellent satire of Wealth Bondage or the historical recountings of Bloggus Caesari.

However, in my opinion, if webloggers establish a truthful context for their words, then they do have a pact with their readers that says, “React honestly to my story because what I tell you is true”.

Something to think about. And write more about later because now I am off to spend the rest of the day in the hallowed halls of Hippocrates.

Categories
Just Shelley

Earthquake test

Just as I finished the last post, the sirens went off in San Francisco. Not at the usual time at noon on Tuesday. I searched the fog offshore, anxiously. I looked at the Bay Bridge so close to my home.

Then the security guard came on over my condo’s loudspeaker and announced that the alarms were the city’s annual test of the earthquake emergency system.