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Critters Just Shelley

She loves me. She loves me not.

Zoë has a new place to sleep, against a pillow covered in flannel underneath the heat vent in my room. She snuggles in between the wall and the humidifier, under the table which holds my television, stereo, internet router, and various speakers. She’s out of the way but still near me, and warm against the wall.

zoe in new bed

She looked so sweet and trusting that I had to grab the camera and take pictures of her. I woke her up, but she forgave me.

Or did she? Can a cat ‘forgive’? Some people say that animals aren’t capable of sophisticated emotions, such as love or sorrow or, in this case, forgiveness. They believe that what we perceive to be ‘love’ is really an animal’s instinctive deference paid to us as both pack leader and source of shelter, nourishment, and tactile contact.

Can Zoë love me? According to Sarah Hartwell at the MessyBeast site the answer is yes and no:

According to many pet owners, the answer is “yes”. Cats display a range of feelings including pleasure, frustration and affection. Other feline behavior is attributed to jealousy, frustration and even vengefulness. Owners base their answer on observation of feline behavior, but without an understanding of what makes a cat tick, they risk crediting a cat with emotions it does not feel as well as recognizing genuine feline emotions. Owners who veer too far into the “Did my ickle-wickle fluffy-wuffikins miss his mummy then?” approach may not understand (or not want to accept) that a cat’s emotions evolved to suit very different situations to our own.

According to many scientists, however, the answer is “no”. They argue that humans like to anthropomorphize (attribute human qualities to non-human animals) and regard pets as surrogate children. We interpret their instinctive behaviors according to our own wide range of emotions. We credit them with feelings they do not have. Some scientists deny that animals, including cats and dogs, are anything more than flesh-and-blood “machines” programmed for survival and reproduction. Others, such as pet behaviorists, credit animals with some degree of emotional response and a limited range of emotions (limited in comparison to humans, that is).

In other words, many scientists believe all animals (including us) share the same set of simple emotions, such as hunger, contentment, and fear. As for the others, what we perceive to be a complex emotion may, in reality, be a combination of simpler emotions or even a survival mechanism.

For instance, embarrassment is a ‘complex’ emotion. So, do cats experience embarrassment?

A cat which clumsily falls off a shelf and acts differently according to whether the owner is watching or whether the owner is believed to be out of sight is thought to be showing embarrassment.. Embarrassment in humans is associated with potential loss of face, loss of status or loss of respect (these are all related, but modified by culture and circumstances). The loss of status may be permanent or temporary.

A cat is not only a predator, it is also prey for larger animals. In addition it is programmed to fight other cats for its territory and for mates. If it shows any indication of weakness, it may be challenged by a younger or fitter rival and ousted from its territory. For this reason, many cats hide signs of illness, injury and pain.

A cat which has fallen off a shelf in plain sight will pretend the event has not happened i.e. that it has not shown any weakness. A human may make excuses for why a similar human mishap happened (the ledge was icy or slippery); this is simply a human way of saving face. Cats speak with their bodies and an “embarrassed” cat will most often sit down and wash nonchalantly – cat speak for “nothing has happened”!

Ah, but I know many people who act in the exact same manner. Oh, they won’t sit on their butt and wash their privates with their tongue, but they will act as if nothing at all is wrong or out of the ordinary when they make a mistake. Most likely for the same reasons as the cat: to not show weakness; to survive.

sweet zoe

If embarrassment can be explained away as actions necessary for survival, what about a more tender emotion, such as love? We pet owners insist that our pets love us. After all, they greet us with joy when we come home, and they sit and look out the window when we’re gone. They sleep next to us even if the weather is warm, and will follow us outside when it’s bitter cold. Doesn’t this mean they love us? Or again, can this behavior be explained away as a set of simple behaviors?

We can’t specifically ask our pets if they love us, and they can’t let us know by sending us chocolates at Valentine’s day; nor sit in a bar with us until late hours of the night as we cry over some recent hurt. Do we only assume they love us because we love them? Do we need to read love in how they act toward us?

Rather than search for this answer in Hartwell’s general essay on emotions, I searched for the answer in her essay on cats and grief. In this she writes of her own experiences of cat behavior, observed during her animal rescue work:

I have personal experience of a pair of cats whose owner had died. The cats refused to eat while in the shelter. To reduce stress, they were fostered in a household and the vet prescribed appetite stimulants. One cat recovered but remained withdrawn for a long period of time. The other continued to pine and became critically ill until it had to be euthanized (prolonged fasting results in liver damage). Its behavior was so severely affected that the foster carer considered force-feeding unsuitable; the cat had no interest in life …

Cats may express grief through nightmares (quite possibly a dream of the missing person has been replaced by wakefulness and the abrupt realization that the person has gone). One of my rescue cats, Sappho, had repeated nightmares after the traumatic death of the owner in the cat’s presence. Sappho woke up whimpering and fearful from sleep and required physical reassurance from me. If this happened at night, she actually climbed into bed and hid as far down the bed as possible, crying out (initially at a rate of one vocalization per second) until her fear and grief subsided. As well as being clingy, she often woke me from sleep as though afraid that I had also died.

I don’t particularly want to die to test whether Zoë loves me. Does she love me? Of course she does. Look at all the photos I’ve published of her: how could there be any doubt that she loves me?

beautiful zoe

Sometimes, though, when she looks me closely in the face, I can see myself reflected in her eyes. The figure I see there is vague and indistinct, oddly alien. It is a reminder that we are not so very alike, her and I, though we happily share a life together.

In these moments I am aware of the cat within my friend. Aware, and respectful.

zoe up close and self portrait

Categories
Just Shelley

Seasons celebration

For the first time in about five years I felt like celebrating Christmas; not much, just a little. I went to Big Lots yesterday and got some inexpensive lights to put around the windows and the steel guard on our deck. We won’t have a tree, of course, but I do like the lights.

When roommie got home I showed the lights to him–the twinkling stars and the computer controlled pulsing, purchased for a very low amount at a store that had very nice people who seemed in a very good mood. I asked roommie if he was interested in helping to hang the lights, but he wasn’t. That’s fair, he’s not into Christmas.

This morning, I put the lights back into their boxes, and stashed them away into a closet.

Categories
Just Shelley

Lost autumn

I lost autumn this year. It was just beginning here in St. Louis when I went to Idaho, and just ending when I got there. When I returned to St. Louis, most of the leaves were gone from the trees. It’s rather interesting how disorienting this can be. If you watch Firefly, it reminds me of my favorite episode, Out of Gas, when Mal wakes after passing out from being shot. In his mind, he’s hearing voices from the past; as he gains consciousness and becomes more aware, they’re overlapped and eventually merge with the quiet conversations of the people in the room.

My hosting company will be upgrading us again to PHP 4.4.1, but I’m prepared. When I learned that the other Wordform sites had no problem, I knew the culprit was the aggregator desktop plugin I was using; I’ve since deactivated it.

While originally unnerving, the incident was helpful in the long run. It reminded me that I need to create a port routine from Wordform back to WordPress for the other users. After all, I may suddenly shuffle off this mortal coil, or move to a tropical island without wireless or something someday. I also have to decide if I want to continue with Wordform or consider a way of building all my various modifications into extensions and plugins that can run on WordPress. I like the independence of my own code base, but things happen and I may not always be around to handle sudden upgrades to PHP. Besides, there are some cool kids using WordPress — how can I deprive them of the fruits of my genius?

I also turned 51 last Friday. I was going to write that I don’t feel it, but realized that yes, right at the moment, I do. Which means now that the weather is cool, and the biting, stinging beasties are in hibernation, and the humidity down, I have to get off my doofus. After all if we, you and me, are going to dance and walk and talk all night and toast the Texas sunrise in the proper manner–with margaritas and brass– at SxSW, I have to get prepared. I’m too young to feel old.

But you knew I’d say that.

I am become rather dull lately.

You knew I’d say that, too.

I have to focus on work, and will be posting lightly.

Yup, yup — you saw that coming, too.

I need to get back out on to the trai–stop, don’t even need to complete that sentence.

You know me too well. The blush is off the bloom, the mystery is gone. We’re like an old married couple you and I–just before the affair.

But at least I didn’t write about Goo…uhp! That did it.

Categories
Writing

Eats, Shoots, and leaves does Ms Manners

Lynn Truss, the author of the acclaimed Eats, Shoots, and Leaves is interviewed in the New York Times about her new book, Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door. The interviewer, Deborah Solomon, does a marvelous job capturing the uniqueness that is Truss, but without fawning all over her. In fact, you come away with the feeling that Ms. Solomon was a bit bewildered by Truss, and after reading the interview you can understand why.

In her new book Truss takes on an impolite society, though she admits she’s focusing more on Britain than all of the English-speaking place as a whole. (Should that have had a comma?) The Times links to the first chapter of both her books, so you can see what wonderful wit she has, though her second book is more in the nature of a humorist essay than a how-to. (Was that dash correct?)

As for the author herself, it’s odd but she strikes me as the type to read this type of book and then toss it aside as so much rubbish. Which, if you think on it, will probably make this a good book. (Should I have used a semi-colon? How about the use of ‘will’–too passive?)

My favorite scene from the interview was when Truss autographs one of her novels for Solomon, who then is walking about Brighton and happens to run into an American author, Michael Cunningham, on tour for his newest book. She chats with him, mentions who she’s interviewing and then shows him the book she’s given including the inscription. It reads:

With all best wishes, Lynne Truss.

What follows is classic literature. The author, Cunningham:

…ripped the page from its spine, crumpled it into a ball and popped it into his mouth. He stood there chewing it, as if it were a piece of tough meat, perhaps realizing for the first time that paper is not easily pulverized.

“I don’t know what came over me,” he said a few moments later, after he had removed the page from his mouth. “The inscription was so bland and generic, all I could think of to do is rip it out. She had just talked to someone for four hours, someone who had come from another continent. Writing is her business. She can come up with something a little more exciting.”

Sometimes I think the price of fame, or an attempt at fame, is that you have to invent yourself as a persona and then lock yourself into it for all time. So from this moment on Truss is the woman who writes on punctuation and manners (and all this invokes in one mentally), which means she must turn on the telly to watch cricket when interviewed and have elderly cats; while Cunningham is the type of rips pages out of books and then attempts to eat them because the writing is so offensive. Before either was well known, I imagine both would think the behaviors daft.

Regardless, it’s an accomplished interview, and the first chapters of both books are a good, fun, and innocuous Sunday read. (Was/were there too many commas in that sentence?) The only quibble I had is Solomon’s classification of the return of the shrew as exemplified by Truss and others, such as Anne Robinson from the BBC. I, for one, have never equated this behavior–blunt, mercilessly witty, irascible, and a scold –with being a woman. In fact, the closest you’ll come to ‘shrew’ in weblogging, in my opinion, is the now long gone Mark Pilgrim; the second closest is Joe Clark–and this is a compliment to both, as I consider ‘shrew’ to a good thing if Truss is considered one. (Too many dashes? Not enough?)

I haven’t read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves and should check it out at the library. I’ll have to hold on Talk to the Hand… for a time afterwards, as I have a feeling a little Truss goes a long way.

Categories
Weblogging Writing

Mundane

am eating an apple.

I am eating a red apple.

I am eating a red Fuji apple.

I am eating a juicy sweet, red and green Fuji apple.

I am eating a juicy, barely blushed Fuji apple, which leaves a tart-sweet taste across my tongue.

I am eating the apple, and the taste takes me back to a time when all I had to worry about was whether I would still be hungry after one apple, or whether I should go for two.

I eat the apple! I, woman, eat the apple! No man peels it for me, and no ring of flesh will be tossed over my shoulder to see who will be my captor and hold the keys of my cage. Because I am woman, hear me eat!

I linger over the next bite into the fresh flesh of the ruby dusted globe of pure sweet nectar–just oh so tart enough to make my lips pucker…making me think of you and that night; you know which night.

I am eating the omega of a world hell bent on self-destruction since the first, the alpha was plucked from the reluctant tree by innocent Woman and bit by gullible Man; led out of gardens of joy by Corporations, who slither here and there whispering words of want, breathing fumes of greed.

I bite the apple and become the apple and the apple becomes me. Therefore, bite me.

I hold the apple to the sun and admire the play of light across it’s shiny surface and think there has never been an apple as perfect as this, and how can I eat it; but I must–the perfection of the apple exists within its core and I must carve away the outer to discover it.

No, I did not have sex with this apple! But if it is left unchecked, I have no doubts that its seeds would proliferate and someday take over the world–forcing you and me into a continuous round of shopping at Wal-Mart because it is WMD: a Wal-Mart Delectable.

What the f**k is an apple suckling tree and is this apple I suck from it?

If apples weblogged they would….wait, that sounds strange.