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Diversity

Feministe on Rape

Feministe has an extraordinary essay today on Rape is a Men’s Issue. She writes:

My boyfriend roasted a customer at work this week for his choice of attire. A college student walked into his store wearing a “Free Kobe” t-shirt. When B saw the smug student wearing the shirt, he whipped his head around, put on his meanest face and snapped, “That shirt is fucking stupid.”

The kid looked shocked, Bryan said, and it was clear he felt something akin to shame or stupidity. Good.

However, many of the young men that Bryan work with were unaware of what the shirt meant. When Bryan explained that Kobe Bryant was on trial for rape, they understood, but didn’t seem to bothered by the ordeal or the provocative nature of wearing that offensive attire. That complacency bothers me.

I keep wondering how many people are out there wearing the same shirt.

As she finds out, too many. And more.

Excellent points, and excellent writing.

(The font is a bit small so wear your glasses, don’t miss any of the words.)

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Diversity

Getting personal

A new story just came out that Multnomah County in Oregon will be issuing marriage licenses for gays tomorrow. For the first time since the first license was issued in San Francisco, the gay marriage issue has hit close to home. And I am so pleased.

There is one couple, let’s call them Jamie and Barbara, who I’ve known for years. We knew each other in Seattle, and Jamie and I also worked together in Portland. In fact, it was thanks to Jamie that I found my first job in Portland, when my Seattle company closed its doors.

They have two children, biologically by Barbara with donated sperm, and adopted by Jamie. They have struggled for years with the handicaps associated with being a lesbian couple who couldn’t marry in the eyes of the law. This ranged from the extra hassles associated with the adoption, to having to purchase individual medical insurance for Barbara because she couldn’t be covered under Jamie’s company-provided insurance.

I remember one Sunday having brunch together at our house, with another couple. I said something about my husband, and the other wife agreed about her husband, and then Jamie laughed and said that she felt the same way about her wife.

I remember the event as if it was yesterday. It was a warm day and Barbara was wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, and Jamie was in a cotton shirt and khaki and the second child hadn’t come along yet, but their first, a boy, was chasing our poor cat around. When Jamie made her comment about, “…her wife”, it tripped my world up. Between one moment and the next, all the old stereotypes about relationships and marriage and being straight and being gay came crashing in on me. Even though we had been friends for a long time, and had been at each other’s homes, I hadn’t internalized for myself what it means when two women love each other.

It means two women who fall in love and commit to each other for life. One woman’s family is open and loving and accepting, the other less so, and they have to live with this. They have a ceremony and rings and a party to celebrate this commitment, but no license because the law won’t allow it. When they move, they have to be careful where they move to, because of who they are. Every change has to be considered in light of who they are, and what they can or cannot do under the law. They plan for and have a kid, who has a ‘mama’ and a ‘mama Jamie” who love him very much. Luckily they’re in one of the states that allows gay adoption, but it takes them over a year of ‘home visits’ before the adoption is approved.

That’s what it means when two women love each other, but aren’t allowed to legally marry. It also means one woman calling another woman, “wife”, legalities be damned.

Wife. Huh. Well, okay.

And in the next moment, I went in to get more coffee, and Barbara ran to rescue our cat from her and Jamie’s son, and Rob laughed at something someone said, and then we all sat down to eat.

Jamie and Barbara–this one’s for you.

antiquerose.jpg

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Diversity

Divide and conquer

Two stores in the New York Times today on Gay marriage.

The first is a new article about how Bush won’t reference the Marriage Amendment again, because, according to the article, he was really pressured into this by the conservative groups. In actuality, he’s really a good friend to gays all over.

This after a State of the Union speech denouncing gay marriage. This after weeks of being disturbed by the events in San Francisco. Bush not only wants to have his cake and eat it, he wants yours and my slice, too, sent to him in appreciation because he’s really a nice guy who has gay friends.

As breathlessly duplicitous as this is (though politically shrewd) it’s not as disturbing as an earlier story about the attempt to divide the black community about gays and gay marriage by courting black churches.

The family values folk hope by doing this, and then by putting Bush firmly on the side against gay marriage with the Marriage Amendment, the’ll be able to split the black vote by distracting them from Bush’s active fight against affirmative action, as well as his cuts in health care, education, and a dismal employment picture.

More than that, they’re working to pit one minority, the blacks, against another minority, the gays. As one radical black minister even went so far as to say, if the K.K.K. opposes gay marriage, I would ride with them.

The other side supporting full gay rights is playing a catch up game, because they weren’t expecting to have to fight this battle until the first marriages starting taking place in Massachusetts. San Francisco caught them by surprise.

Neither side is having an easy time of it. According to the article:

The fact that many black Christians are both politically liberal and socially conservative makes them frustratingly difficult to pigeonhole in a political environment in which, many pundits contend, voters are cleanly split along ideological lines. Many blacks opposed to gay marriage, for example, support equal benefits for gays as a matter of economic justice.

What we’re seeing is that the term civil rights has more problematical connotations than even gay marriage, and this is a disturbing trend:

At the heart of the conflict, for many, is not merely theology, but the mantle of civil rights.

“There has always been this undercurrent, from the women’s movement through other movements, that the history of black people and their struggle was being opportunistically appropriated by an assortment of groups when it was convenient,” said the Rev. Gene Rivers, president of the National Ten-Point Leadership Foundation, a church-based violence-prevention program. “This movement is particularly offensive because it hits at the Book, the Bible, and the painful history of black people all at once.”

It’s sad and ironic that to defend the actions of Mayor Newsom, we’ve referenced acts of civil disobedience in the past to establish a precedence for this type of activity when it comes to civil rights. However, in doing so, we’re now seen as being opportunistic, literally riding on the coat tails of those who have battled for rights for the blacks in the past.

I am aware of the pain blacks have suffered. I am aware every time I go into the back country of Missouri to hike, how much more dangerous this could be if I were black. This is never far from my mind. I should take a lesson, and do as those in the article suggest, reframe the discussion to one of discrimination, not civil rights.

But I can’t. The fight for equality for all people regardless of color, sex, race, religion, and yes even sexual orientation is a fight for civil rights. I am not going to following in Bush’s deceptive footsteps, mouthing a hypocrisy for the sake of the vote.

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Diversity

Sanctity of marriage—let’s go all the way

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

If we’re going to have an amendment to the Constitution to ensure the sanctity of marriage by denying gays the right to marry, then I think it’s only fair that we do a good job of it: let’s make divorce unconstitutional.

No, I’m serious. If we’re asking gays to give up their rights to marry just to ensure the holy bonds of matrimony, I think it’s only fair that we heterosexuals also give something up for the cause — our right to divorce.

Just think of it: marriage in this country would be for man and woman and would be forever until death do us part. If you’ve been divorced, think about how much your divorce has hurt the foundations of marriage. Now, wouldn’t you have been better to stay and just work things out with your ex-partner than call it quits?

Why, if this existed as part of our Constitution long ago, you’d still be married to your first spouse; if you’ve married again, you’d be living in violation of the law.

Now, I know that you’re going to talk about romance and love and all that hearts and flowers crap, but that’s not what’s important — what’s important is the sanctity of marriage.

I am serious about this. I have never been more serious in my entire life. If you’re an American citizen, follow this link, or this one and write your Representative, Senator, or President Bush himself and demand that the Marriage Amendment be modified to also include a ban against divorce.

It’s the fair thing to do.

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Diversity

Denying gay rights

President Bush just came out with support for a Constitutional Amendment to ban same-sex marriage. I don’t think anyone is surprised about this – it suits Bush’s religious agenda, and it should satisfy those who can’t leave others alone.

Make no mistake on this one: no matter the semantic games we play, this is an amendment that would build deliberate discrimination against an entire group of people into the Constitution – the document we depend on to ensure everyone has access to full rights. More, the amendment as now worded could potentially break holes between the separation of federal and state government, as well as most likely closing down the concept of civil unions.

Our Constitution, our very way of life and that which we are so proud of, our freedom is at stake. And no, this is not hyperbole. I could only wish it was.

Also remember that all gays want is to have their love and commitment recognized, and not to feel like they are worthless or deviant in the eyes of the American people. They’re not asking you to change–your sex, your marriage, your religion, your life, your love, your way of living – they’re just asking to be left alone.

So next time you express, in words or vote, how ‘oogie’ gay marriage makes you feel, spare a moment to think about how a gay person might feel right about now.

And say a little prayer in mourning for the Constitution.