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Lighter moments

Beware the Phil! Protect your textareas! Phil Ringnalda, responding from his semi-regular weblog hiatus to a quip by Anil Dash about being silenced:

While you were watching mailing lists, I landed three Firefox patches, including a FF2 blocker, and one that was once a 1.5 blocker in two different bugs, though we gave up on it later.

There’s just so very, very many textareas on the web: it’s hard to be sure there won’t be one I can put something into when the desire strikes.

Thanks to 3QuarksDailyMy Memories of My Geisha. Especially:

My geisha loves to unwind from her long, hard day of entertaining me by drawing me a warm, soothing bath, adding salts and mixing in exotic fragrances. She improvises a song about my hairy little potbelly. I’ve always been self-conscious about that feature on my body, but hearing it put into song makes me feel special.

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Best Practices Scenarios

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

There are just some things that don’t belong in a Best Practices Manual…

One investigator to another, as they slowly walk through the wreckage of a 747–bits of fuselage and bodies lying about: “Well the Best Practices Manual suggested that the pilot use the landing gear rather than attempt to land the plane on its belly.”

Two surgeons are bent over an operating table where a man lies, stomach exposed. The first surgeon begins to cut into the patient’s stomach. “Argghhhhhhh!”, screams the patient, who then scrambles off the table and runs away as fast he can, hand cupped over the bleeding cut. The first surgeon looks at the other, mystified. The other shrugs and says, “Well, the Best Practices Manual suggests anesthetizing the patient first.”

Once a dam is built, the Best Practices Manual says it needs to be maintained.

The architects of the new zoo were chagrined to read in the Best Practices Manual that it’s the animals that are put into cages–not the visitors. The architects will rectify the problems…as soon as they can safely leave the conference room.

Leon Moisseiff created beautiful bridges. Unfortunately, he ignored the Best Practices Manual, which said they should also be sound.

“This is the National Weather Service. A category 5 hurricane with a storm surge estimated to be 30 feet tall is approaching your area. We here in the weather room agree that the best practice would be that everyone in the path leave the area. But hey! It’s only a suggestion. Have a nice day!”

Tommy Joe, anxious to try out the new gun he bought neglected to read the Best Practices Manual. Later, the police agreed that if he had, he would have known not to look down the barrel of the gun to see if a bullet was stuck in the chamber.

The parachutist had just enough time to reflect on her folly in ignoring the Best Practices Manual and passing up the parachute folding class in favor of one on origami. Her parachute, folded into the shape of a graceful swan in flight, flapped like a dead, beheaded chicken for a minute before completely failing.

The Best Practices Manual suggests that all team members use the same system of measurement when building navigation systems.

In the year 2020, a small group of men and women land successfully on Mars. After a week of exploring the Red Planet, they load back into their landing craft and prepare to leave the planet. However, when the pilot tries to turn on the ignition, all that happens is a sputtering sound. They radio to Earth: “Houston, we have a problem.” The engineers of NASA are mystified until one, glancing through a manual, points out, “Best Practices says we needed enough fuel to get to Mars and back. We only loaded enough to get to Mars”. The room is quiet. Finally one engineer is heard to murmur, “Bummer.”

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For my little duckies

Last time you get lava lamp photos, my little duckies. In celebration of that fact, a few links and other assorted non-lava lamp related items:

Sheila Lennon points us to a Providence Journal presentation honoring Martha and Waitsill Sharp, the 2nd and 3rd Americans named to Israel’s “Righteous Among the Nations” for their work in helping Jews flee the Nazis in World War II.

Congratulations to Ethan Johnson on the launch of Vision Monthly, an online magazine with writings by various webloggers.

The Blogher web site has undergone a change in both appearance and focus. It now features columns by webloggers, including Jeneane from AlliedMelinda from Sour Duck, and Anne from Anne 2.0.

I’m still unsure that creating separate group weblogs for women and a separate weblogging conference focused on women is the way to achieve equality among the sexes in weblogging, but many of the people involved are having a wonderful time and perhaps in the end that’s all that matters. So best of luck to the Blogher folks on their newest well organized efforts.

That resounding *pop* you heard recently was because Google fall down and go boom. What does this mean? Hopefully it means the end of all the built to flip crap we’ve been subjected to recently. Oh, and I found this story over at google.memeorandum.com.

Scott Reynen has created a fun new game based on the Flickr API: Fastr. Guess that tag and go to the head of the pack.

I am not a game player, but I like Scott’s effort. To keep things even, when you play against the group the points go back to zero when a new ‘game’ starts, so anyone can join in and not feel frustrated about trying to keep up. And it’s interesting to see how people tag different things. Some of the topics are easy to guess; others, though, make me wonder what goes through people’s minds when they tag their photos.

Though not as fun or imaginative, I like my own Flickr-based game: the Flick-a-Pair photo matching game (as primitive as it is by today’s Ajax standards). It’s not the game that appeals, though it does help the memory and lord knows my memory could use help. No, it’s the convergence of photos that occur from time to time. Most often when I play the game, it’s a hodge podge of photos, none of which stand out over much. Every once in a while, though, I get a mix that makes me wish I could capture the photo grouping, as is and keep them forever.

Recently I had one of those. I played the 6 x 6 game and all the photos were either dark red ties with varying conservative white diagonal lines in multiple poses against a black background; or two chihauhaus, brightly lit by flash, laughing into the camera.

A few days ago I pointed to a Slashdot article covering the giant octopus attacking the mini-sub. I mentioned how the granddaddy Slashdot can still hold its own against new babies like Digg. Susan Mernit pointed to a Thomas Hawke article on the traffic he gets from the three big flow engines: Slashdot, Boing Boing, and Digg. He mentions that Digg is catching up when it comes to flow, and talks about how Digg recently joined some new network called FM Media. I confess that I have absolutely no idea what “FM Media” is, but I look at Digg comments compared to those of Slashdot and I don’t think that Slashdot has much to worry about. There is such a thing as quality over quantity.

Still, at Digg I did find out about Geek Logic’s Image Browser for the Mac, which is rather fun to use. It’s not Adobe’s Lightroom, which I’ve already decided to buy when it releases (wonderful product). But it is free, and fun, and that makes a good combination. And look: it’s found all my lava light photos.

Which, for your sakes, I am not publishing.

You can thank me anytime.

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Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

Prehistoric Planet posterI watched Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet and it took three starts before I discovered that it and Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women shared much of the same footage and I wasn’t clicking the wrong movie on the disc. Both movies are a rather amazing blend of barely related scenes added together into one not so cohesive whole.

According to Scifilm, the original movie was Planeta Burg (Planet of Storms) produced by the Leningrad Studio of Popular Science Films. It was then bought by the infamous Roger Corman, grandfather of B sci-fi flicks, and hacked as background footage to be combined with two more familiar faces: Basil Rathbone as lead scientists back on the moon, and Faith Domergue from the more acclaimed science fiction class, It Came from Beneath the Sea.

The story is about three rocket ships traveling to Venus for exploration, when one is blown up by an asteroid. This figures little in the movie and the only reason I’m assuming they added this to the story was to heighten the dangers of space exploration (and be able to add a ‘ship blowing up in space’ scene, which looks in the trailers). The other two ships decided to move on to Venus: one holding two men and a robot named John; the other carrying three men.

The ship with John crash lands and the second ship sets down to look for and rescue their comrades. The movie then segues between both groups as they encounter all sorts of Venusian wildlife, interspersed with shots of Basil on the moon, and Faith, in some form of Venusian orbiter.

What follows is classified as bad to very bad, but I found it to be rather fascinating and even a little endearing. The ‘dangerous animals’ were so funny that I stopped the movie a couple of times to go back over their scenes. However, all of these were shot against a backdrop that was both stunning and surreal–made more so by the juxtoposition between the very good and the very bad. The film deserves more respect than it has been given, if only for the stage settings and scenes of the planet.

Returning to the characters, our first exposure to John the Robot is when he’s ‘awakened’ in ship one, by an actor who can’t quite decide if he’s in a science fiction film or one of the old horror pictures. Waken, John he murmers in sepulcher tones again and again, as the camera moves in on his intense and slightly demonic stare. John wakens, and though he is shown whole when on the ship, he’s shown without his head when the crew first lands.

John the Robot without head

Robot by Microsoft

One advantage of having John headless at first is it does allow the two astronauts to be attacked by men dressed as dinosaurs who hop around like kids in a potato sack race at a picnic. I will say no more, because these creatures antics must be seen to be fully appreciated.

The other crew has a young man in it, Andre, who defies authority with brainless frequency, usually getting himself entangled in situations without any dire threat. This crew hears the haunting siren call that Andre believes to be a woman (and a beautiful woman at that), and he wants to go off searching for this damsel, but is restrained by older, wiser heads.

Andre’s actions and the others of the second crew are those that demonstrate this to be a Russian movie, rather than American. One crew member continually reacts with pessimissm to any event, and all three act as if authority is to be give lip service, and then ignored. They are minimalistic heros, and refreshing for all of the bigger than life antics of their western compatriots.

The second crew also meets most of the wild life on the planet including big but unscary dinosaurs, man eating plants, and the oddest underwater octopus you’ve ever seen. I want one as a pet.

I don’t want to give an impression that this is kiddy fare. There is suspense in this film, and a hint of danger. It doesn’t, however, come from the man eating plant, the hopping dinosaur men, or the brontosaurus.

Brontosaurus

Nor the flying pterodactyl or the octopus underwater.

Underwater octopus

No, it comes from Marsha, the single female in the show, left in the orbiting platform and who served as conduit between the command center on the moon and the men on the planet. When she’s cut off without communication with either party she’s forced to consider making a decision on her own; potentially committing, the planet commander solemnly tells the other men, the worst mistake made by any of them.

Oh no! Save us from Marsha!

Thankfully though, she connects with the lunar base before moving beyond her role of black haired buxom beauty without a brain, and the crew is spared such horror.

Which is as good a time to introduce Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, as any.

Prehistoric Women poster

In Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women the story line is exactly the same, but this time we see the women of Venus. They are primitive (but beautiful) and superstitious and they invoke the gods of their planet to send the volcano’s molten lava and rains that threaten the crew throughout both movies. There’s never any interaction between the two because the second movie’s scenes with the women were knitted into the original movie, which is itself, knitted together from Russian film and American parts.

What might surprise you when you see this film, and especially the scenes with the women, is to realize that the new bits were directed by none other than Peter Bogdanovich in what is probably his first solo directing debute (and one that I’m sure he’d like to forget). Yes, the man who did The Sopranos originally did babes on Venus.

Babes on Venus

Why the second film? Because science fiction and sex were big in Hollywood at the time, and the original movie didn’t feature any women, and adding one women (and dark haired at that) was deemed not quite enough–not to mention that she didn’t really show much skin. Besides, what better opportunity to feature blonde beauties in tight, torn pants, wearning bras made of clam shells? This must have been standard ‘women from another planet’ garb at the time, because the women resembled many of the alien women in the original Star Trek shows.

Star Trek SceneThere’s also an interesting bit at the end of the movie that differed from the original, but I wouldn’t want to spoil your fun.

You can get both movies via Internet Archive (and here) and Bittorrent (and here).

These are classic ‘bad’ science fiction, with acting that’s either wooden or overly dramatic, and special effect monsters that will make you giggle and guffaw. The quality ranges from blurry to scratchy, with either no color or bad color. However, the shows are worth watching for three reasons:

The first is that the very nature of the piecemeal effort on these movies is rather interesting to watch, with its very Russian components intermixed with the very American additions. Considering this all was done during the coldest of the Cold war, it makes for an intellectual exercise viewing the Soviet propaganda as compared to Hollywood marketing.

The second reason is the film’s monsters are wonderfully delightful. None are menacing, all are funny, and how could you resist that octopus? I would have liked to seen the original Russian film, as I have a feeling much of the ‘suspense’ (as well as other ‘monster’ scenes) was hacked out to make way for the Basil/Faith moments.

The last reason is the backdrops and some of the better directed and constructed scenes. Seriously in a movie with better (or no) monsters, not to mention acting–without the American hacks–this movie could easily win awards for the background and some of the stand alone scenes.

You could easily forgo the second movie with the addition of the ladies, but why deny yourself the treat? Go for both.

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Hold the dew-drenched bluebells: a review of King Kong

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

I treated myself to a lady night out and went to see the new King Kong. The small neighborhood theater was showing it on one of the smaller screens, and there were two women together in one side, a man by himself in the back, and an older couple behind me, to the left, and that was it.

I sat forward, close to the screen, with a small bag of popcorn and water I brought from home. The seats are actually pretty comfortable but it was cold, so I snuggled under my coat. The sound levels were just right and so was the screen size. As for the movie, I thought it was an excellent adaption of the 1933 classic. The movie was long–three hours–but I wasn’t tired until the very end when I creaked to my feet during the ending credits.

Note that what follows could be considered somewhat a spoiler, though reading wouldn’t lessen enjoyment of the movie.

I thought Peter Jackson did some things exceptionally well in the movie, and others could have used improvement. For instance, his Kong was magnificent–real and vibrant, and absolutely wonderful. The interaction between him and Ann Darrow (played by Naomi Watts) was easily the most charismatic of the movie, though I consider Adrian Brody to be one of the most sexy men I’ve seen in movies (outside of Johnny Depp, of course).

I liked Jackson’s portrayal of Darrow as a strong woman, capable of caring for herself, possessing of both spirit and a sense of humor. This didn’t lessen her need for help to escape, or protection from the giant beasties running around Skull Island. Unlike in the original, she didn’t need to be the helpless, screaming woman to make Kong more frightening. The impact of Kong’s size was more evident when he had her in his hand and was running with her through the jungle, her being slapped all about by trees and plants.

Darrow and Kong, excellent. At the same time, though, Jackson could have cut out 20 minutes of staring into Watts tear filled blue eyes. At three hours, we could have safely cut at least that much with no impact on the showing. One can only stare at wet, blue eyes for so long before it gets tedious. Jackson did the same thing with Lord of the Rings, too, except there we sat staring at Liv Tyler’s tear filled blue eyes. I can only guess that at some time in the past, Jackson must have heard about eyes like ‘dew drenched bluebells’, because he spends too much time in his movies having us stare at them.

I wasn’t particularly enamored with Jackson’s interpretation of the character of Carl Denham (played by Jack Black). He crossed a line at some point that made Denham less an obsessed director and more a sociopath. Still, the scene where Darrow crosses to safety, as she passes Denham and the others waiting to trap Kong and he pays her no attention–this after a voyage filled with fulcome compliments and seemingly sincere concern–is one of the most pivotal and best in the entire movie.

I did like Jackson’s version of the shipboard members, but where he excelled was with the island natives; his natives were superb. They were otherworldly and horribly frightening–about what one would expect of people forced to live on the edges of the land, because of the fear of what lay on the other side of the wall. The jagged, dangerous and fogged in approach to the island only helped to add to the effect, and I was mesmerized by the scenes. It was wondrous.

I was less impressed with the beasties in the island. The mix of Kong with the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park was, I thought, disappointing. No matter how much he tried, Jackson was not going to be able to get the dinosaurs to be as good as Jurassic. More importantly, though, this was a cheap gimmick the movie did not need. If we consider that King Kong is big because all of the island creatures were big, why would we need dinosaurs?

Big bugs, big bats, King Kong, and a T-Rex: which of these don’t fit?

However, Jackson made up for it by the scenes on the boat and back in New York. The scenes in New York were worth going to the movie just to see. In addition, there was enough action, and heights, to have me jerking about in my chair and probably providing entertainment for all of those seated behind me. I’m with AKMA in I almost hurt myself against my seat trying to pull back from the scenes on the skyscrapers.

The original King Kong is still, after all these years, an excellent movie; yes even with the claymation awkwardness. I was wary about another new Kong, after that abysmal version from the 1980’s. I was concerned that the story would be lost in the effects. However, Jackson’s King Kong did not disappoint. On the contrary: it made for a delightful lady night out. I hope, though, that in his next movie, Jackson holds the dew drenched bluebells