June 14th, 2007

Interesting writing and discussion on another perspective about women in technology. This is from the DevChix group, and though I really dislike the use of 'chix' and 'grrl' when referencing professional women, it's a good site to discover women working in the newer Web 2.0 technologies.

In the essay, the writer who goes by gloriajw, believes that one of the reasons women have been dropping out of the field is the hostile nature of most tech environments. She addresses this from the perspective of what makes women's only groups more approachable:

The material for this article came about through my participation in both women-only and mixed gender groups of many kinds. When I wonder why tech groups aren’t tolerable for many women, I look at the inverse of the problem: What makes women-only tech groups more tolerable for women?

Of the behavioral patterns she's identified in said groups, she mentions a strong sense of community, and in particular how communication is managed:

Destructive criticism is the best way to keep a site predominantly male. It implies that there is no concern about whether a person can learn from a response or not, or whether they would find offense. It is an outward display of ego, a territorial “pissing rite” in which most women do not and will not participate.

In such groups, the author states, bad behavior is seldom called and typically ignored. Contrastingly, in women's groups:

If you do something awful to one woman in a women-only community, all will hear and know about it, and you are ousted. Most of the time this is first discussed and voted on by many group members. Many times the women’s group will even make an effort to explain the offense to the oblivious offender. But if the offender is still oblivious and/or offending, the offender is out. This is done to protect the interests and goals of the group. Many male dominated online groups don’t run this way. Most if not all women’s groups run this way, whether online or off.

There is a reason why I won't join such women's group, and this paragraph more or less sums it up for me. This 'group think' way of dealing with difficulty I find, frankly, repugnant. I happen to agree that ignoring a person who exhibits 'bad' behavior is one of the better approaches to take. I've seldom seem a troll continue when no responds to what they say.

And what is 'bad' behavior? When does such voting take place? In the last week I've been called both mean and vicious because of my criticism of a company and a company's actions. Is it then that one must preface all criticism with something sweet and fluffy in order to ease the difficulty of the words? I can't think of any better approach to shut down all discussion than to have to struggle through some inner debate about how to coach criticism in 'nice' terms in order to express such. Weblogging has demonstrated that nice is relative–having to do with popularity, as much as tone and word usage.

gloriasw, has four suggestions for online discussion areas to make them more inviting for women:

  1. Immediately delete offending and off-topic comments
  2. Return aggressive or overly hard comments back to the creator and have them re-phrase
  3. Treat the space like a community, which I presume means to monitor
  4. Explicitly state the site is 'woman friendly'

She also has approaches to take for men to communicate with women:

  • Don't assume when a woman is enthusiastic about their work, they're hitting on you or has to do with you
  • Leave your libido at the door
  • Women aren't dressing the way they do because they're sending you signals
  • Something about guy humor can be OK if the first three items are kept in mind

There is some of this I agree with, but I have to ask the question: do women spend all day running from the men in their groups? I've rarely had issues of being hit on, even when I was younger and considered 'purty'. I've rarely seen this happen with other women. Is this happening, now, among the younger men? Younger tech guys, do you spend all your time hitting on the women at work?

Too much emphasis lately on women being perceived as sexual object or victim', and way too much emphasis on how the problems women are having in technology are because men see us as sex objects. I'm sorry, this is not my perception. I've been in the industry 25 years, and I've rarely seem women hit on at work, nor do I see such behavior in most of the discussions I get involved in.

Does it exist? I imagine so, but I seriously doubt this is the reason women are not joining and are leaving the tech field. Why? Because such behavior is everywhere–it's not unique to Web 2.0 environments. The feel of titanium or the glow of an LCD does not trigger men into being primal savages.

As for the aggressive nature of the discussions, again, considering that I'm also seen as a 'aggressive' communicator, I don't know if communication style is the problem as much as lack of respect and the communication only reflects this. To me, the larger issue is that women in tech are not as respected as the men, and hence our work is more easily discredited or ignored, our contributions downplayed, our participation compromised. Worse, when we do get into passionate discussion, our arguments tend to be discredited using the too typical 'shrill' or my personal favorite, 'hysterical'.

What concerns me about writings such as gloriasw's is that this can actually make things worse, rather than better.

The first writing I ever did on sexism in this weblog was related to Doc Searls –yes beloved, gentle Doc Searls. Doc Searls is a nice man, and yes, he does reference and link to women–more than a lot of other guys. But he'll never get into a discussion with a woman. He will never debate a woman. In close to seven years of off and on reading of his site, I've never seen him actually have a truly engaged discussion with a woman. To this day, I don't know if it's because he doesn't respect us, professionally. Or if it's because he doesn't know how to have such a discussion without coming across as bully or being abusive. By not engaging with women, though, he does us more harm than if he wrote that we're all skanky bitches.

If we keep emphasizing about how women need 'safe' places, we're going to get exactly what we're asking for: safe, isolated, segregated spaces where we never have to worry about harsh words. We'll also never have to worry about reaching the top positions in our fields, becoming as well known, being invited to conferences, and so on, either.

Respect is the key, not tone of voice, or words used. If a person respects you, it comes across in how they respond to what you say. They may get angry, and they tell you you're dead wrong, and they may even say you're being an idiot in this situation. However, if the overall interaction is one of respect, it doesn't matter the tone in any particular discussion. That's the real problem we women have: we don't have the respect that, frankly, we deserve.

Case in point is the Devchix site, itself. This site has been around almost a year, and covers all sorts of topics, including those of interest to the Ajaxian set. Yet, I don't think I've seen any of this site's writings linked by sites such as Ajaxian. In fact, the same looks to be true for each individual contributor's weblog–I can't see that any of these women have been linked by some of the more dominate or well known tech weblogs.

I first found out about this writing at Simon Willison's weblog. Yet this is the first time (that I can find through the search engines) that Simon has ever referenced a writing from the site. Or, from what I can see, the individual weblogs of the authors. Yet they write on many topics related to the tech that Simon is interested in.

Simon does point to the Reddit thread, as demonstration that this confirms the writing, but really doesn't this just confirm that discussions at Reddit (and Digg) tend to degenerate into three year olds flinging shit no matter what the topic? Frankly, as much as I'd like to blame Reddit or Digg or even Slashdot for women leaving tech, I find it unlikely.

Men and women are both equally capable of being aggressive and mean, and though society has educated each sex to express such in differing ways, we need to stop pointing how women are fragile flowers who can't handle strong disagreement, while all men do is go toe to toe and spit at each other. What we need to question is when there are women in the field, writing on the topics, speaking of such, going to the conferences, why aren't we given the acknowledgment? Why aren't we given either the respect due us as professional or the attention we deserve as active participants. At a minimum, why, in this supposedly equal world where no one knows you're a man, woman, or dog, why aren't we given the links?

For all that I disagree with gloriasw, I appreciate her post. At a minimum, it highlights yet more women who are working with the Web 2.0 technologies and such attention is a good thing. I just wish when members of the site write on technology, they would be equally as noticed.

Comments
1
Audrey - 11:18 am 6/14/2007

I'm on the Devchix list, and there's been some really interesting discussion around Gloria's post, as well as the comments on the site. I've been curious what your reaction would be.

I feel awkward in all-female groups as much as all-male ones, but it's nice to have a resource where you don't have to start out arguing about why diversity matters.

Did you see Tara Hunt's post about not buying the victim mentality?

2
Shelley - 12:03 pm 6/14/2007

Yup, Audrey, saw you there. And true, it's nice to start with an assumption that diversity really does matter.

Tara seemed to be supporting the 'victim' meme back when the discussion about Kathy Sierra was so hot. In fact, she was one that was encouraging Kathy's 'fear'. And now she's making statements as to, "I don't know why Kathy reacted as she did."

You'll have to excuse me if I take what Tara Hunt says with a grain of salt.

3
Scott - 1:16 pm 6/14/2007

I always find these articles interesting. They end up saying so much more about the author than the problem. (The interview with the British astronomer you mentioned in an earlier post said loads more about him)

Her point seems to be, that the behavior that men exhibit is bad and that's why women exclude themselves. It seems to label the mens behavior as "bad" and the womens behavior as "good". One could take her advice and look at the reverse, as you have in your post, and say "womens discussion groups are bad because you have to spend all your time dancing around the point, trying to discuss it in a way that can't possibly offend anyone, rather than dealing with the point directly using direct language."

To me it's like saying, "Cold is bad because it causes frostbite. Hot is good because it makes muffins yummy". Hot can also be bad, in extreme amounts. And cold can be used to make ice cream. Too much bile isn't a good thing, but you need a little bile to allow things to digest more easily.

The way the article is worded doesn't leave a man much room to debate the point with her. Looking through the comments I see a lot of nerf-coated comments from the author essentially telling the men "you're wrong". I posted this comment here rather than at the DevChix site simply because I don't believe I can nerf-coat my words in an appropriate manner.

The latest Ruby on Rails podcast is the first part of a two part roundtable held at Rails conf consisting of some women attending Railsconf on this very topic. I believe the author was included in the roundtable, her "turn it around" point sounded familiar from the podcast. It is an interesting podcast.

edit: Some interesting context to her post.
http://programming.reddit.com/info/1vqx2/comments/c1w26r

4
Shelley - 2:06 pm 6/14/2007

Thanks for the link Scott.

I started listening to the Rails podcast. That's also pretty interesting, with some good points made.

5
Shelley - 2:08 pm 6/14/2007

Wow, that Reddit entry really brings in context.

Definitely a case of dishing out and not taking it. Audrey did you see the Python post at Reddit?

6
Audrey - 5:35 pm 6/14/2007

Yeah, I looked at that.

I feel like I've been reading nothing but nasty and insulting comments everywhere, lately.

It's more than a little hypocritical to call other people out on their communication skills when you are flunking badly yourself.

7
Shelley - 5:42 pm 6/14/2007

Perhaps what you're reading is human communication, which at times can be passionate, other times unreasonable, and other times, yes, even mean.

Too much is put on what people say, and not enough on how people act. It's like we're trying to turn first life into second life: scripted and controlled.

If you're referring to me with your statement, well, I guess we all have different definitions of what makes up a 'hypocrite'.

Good luck to your organization.

8
Audrey - 6:54 pm 6/14/2007

I didn't actually mean the discussion here, but the articles and comments elsewhere.

I've been in a lousy mood over unrelated things, so I'm probably being more cryptic than I intend. Sorry.

9
Shelley - 6:59 pm 6/14/2007

Audrey, I should apologize. Oddly enough, I'm also not in a great mood at the moment, or I would have realized you were making comments about the discussion elsewhere.

I hope whatever has caused your bad mood improves.

10

Hmm … let me try to outline something. I don't want to armchair-psychoanalyze anyone in particular, and I don't know Doc Searls well at all. But there's a kind of game-theoretic problem which might affect him harder than is obvious.

For *simplicity*, let's divide the world into four classes (listed in approximate order of decreasing power as a group):

anti-feminist men, feminist men, anti-feminist women, feminist women

Politically, it's real tough for a feminist man to argue with a feminist woman. Why? Because if she plays the sexism card in the argument, he's in trouble. He's not going to get support, in the main, from feminist men or feminist women. Anti-feminist men (and anti-feminist women) may support him, but because he's a feminist man, he'll have to forsake his own support network to get much use from the opposite side. And he may not want to do that, because he's generally outside their network. The only gainful support is going to be from any maverick feminist men and feminist women, who are frankly, pretty small in number (the key word there being "maverick"). So the safest course of action is just to avoid the situation entirely.

In fact, this sort of dynamic played out very bluntly in the K-thy S-rr- mudstorm, where Doc Searls was also one of the people being smeared.

So, I have much sympathy for him in this situation.

11
Shelley - 7:50 pm 6/14/2007

Seth, nope that one does not fly with me. "I'm sorry I can't engage you in debate because you're a woman and I'll be called a sexist if I argue with you."

Now, is this what you're saying?

As for the Kathy Sierra BS, a lot of people were at risk for being tarred in that situation. Each person had to make their own choice on what to say and not.

But there have been numerous times when women have been excluded from legitimate discussions. I find, "I'm a feminist man who doesn't want to be called sexist" to not be a particularly good excuse for this.

12
Pam - 7:52 pm 6/14/2007

Personally I don't get what it is about being hit on at work that is so horrifically victimizing. There is this word called "no" that I use all the time, and works for me at work just as well as it does everywhere else in my life. Harrassment is obviously another issue altogether, but I'm not going to cry 'objectification' or 'hostile work environment' every time somebody makes a pass at me.

A fragile flower I am not. And neither are most women I know…

13

Shelley, why doesn't it fly with you? What part of my model are you disputing?

Note it is not a general model to explain the actions of every man. It applies only to nice-guy feminist men. It is not meant to explain every time women have been excluded from legitimate discussions. It is meant to outline a particular problem for feminist men in Doc Searls' general situation.

14
Shelley - 8:40 pm 6/14/2007

Seth, does this mean, then, that I should only engage misogynists, like Dave Winer?

To me, a person can't choose not to engage with women in a discussion, even if such is in the nature of a disagreement, and still be a feminist. No, not even nice guy feminists.

And I typically don't call people who disagree with me on any general topic, sexist. I don't know of many true feminists who do.

15
Shelley - 8:48 pm 6/14/2007

BTW, this was this was the post that started all of it. And I do take it back: Doc did engage in a cross-browser discussion with me and several other folk on this one.

16
Shelley - 8:51 pm 6/14/2007

Damn, I read that comment thread and we used to have fun back then. What the hell happened?

17

The stakes got higher. And the 'new blog smell' wore off.

Coincidentally, that was also around the time I succumbed to blog-fatigue. I keep meaning to restart my own blog, but I still haven't, and since then I've just commented on other folks'.

18
Phil - 4:29 am 6/15/2007

I still regret the shift from "women's liberation" to "feminism" - we (all of us) lost a good polemical statement of intent & gained a philosophical position, or rather a whole range of philosophical positions (the more the merrier eh?).

Which is by way of saying that I don't think there's any such thing as a 'feminist man', & if there were it wouldn't involve backing off from arguments with women. "Getting it", for me at least, is all about realising that when I look at a woman a person looks back at me, & the person looking out through those eyes deserves to be treated the same way I'd want to be treated. And, er, that's it. It's miles away from this "hey guys, we know you're all ravening beasts, just keep it in your pants in the office m'kay?" line - that just strikes me as defeatist, not to mention demeaning towards men.

19
Joe Clark - 11:01 am 6/15/2007

I found the Devchix advice a bit caught up in heterosexualist assumptions and catchphrases. I never cease to be amazed that anything from batting an eyelash to pawing a breast is all lumped into the unnuanced term “hitting on.” I don’t understand how you people mange to even go out on a date, let alone procreate, if the tiniest micron of interest causes the deflector shield of “hitting on” to pop up.

And there seems to be an assumption that guys in a technology firm are never, you know, gay. Which, you know, they sometimes are.

20

"pawing a breast"

I'm still waking up with a cup of coffee, but does this go on in workplaces now? Wow I've been out of it a while…

I went back and read the DevChicks advice — the section titled "Tips for communicating with women in Tech environments, online and Face-to-Face", is that what you were referring to?

21
Shelley - 8:39 pm 6/15/2007

Joe, I think there's been too much emphasis on sex as a reason why women in tech are having problems. I think Gloria has strong opinions that don't necessarily allow room for other viewpoints.

22
Zo - 8:56 pm 6/15/2007

"Is it then that one must preface all criticism with something sweet and fluffy"

Interestingly, my experience has been that the answer is Yes … when speaking to other women.

23
Shelley - 9:53 pm 6/15/2007

Zo, nah, I never let a little thing like a person's sex interfere with my passion to offend.

24

Shelley, I think Zo's agreement with the 'must', was meant to imply an 'or else', not that it was an unbreakable stricture.

25
Shelley - 2:00 pm 6/16/2007

Michael, I am teasing Zo.

26
Bud Gibson - 8:47 pm 6/16/2007

The article was an interesting read. I've come to the conclusion that what you're saying is that you do not want to be treaded as though you don't matter, and right now, that's how you feel treated in many situations.

Thanks to all those who have contributed to the discussion. Comments are now closed, but you can contact the author of the post directly.