Categories
Political

Divided we stand

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

From the discussions surrounding the Spirit of America effort, I sense that much of the enthusiasm for this group is coming from people interested in healing the growing rifts between people here in the US, and elsewhere. Most of us have commented about the increasing polarization between people of differing views; and too many of us have felt the deep and exhausting anger that seems to accompany these divides.

Some of the blame for the polarization has been placed on terrorism and the war in Iraq, some on the economy, but many blame George Bush. I’ve read more than one person refer to George W. Bush as the most divisive president of all. A friend used that term today and I responded back immediately that, no, George Bush was not our most divisive president–that honor goes to Abraham Lincoln.

Just before Lincoln’s election, the US had established an uneasy truce between abolitionists and slave owners by maintaining a careful balance of free versus slave states. Though Lincoln was against slavery, he wasn’t a strict abolitionist and was ambivalent about freeing all slaves; but the mood of the country was such, that when Lincoln was elected, several Southern states immediately seceded from the Union.

The states believed they had this right to break away from the Union. Lincoln, though, believed that the Union was morally right and just, and refused to allow the country to break apart based on the issue of slavery. He ordered the militia to intervene, and thus began one of the most violent and bloody events of our history – the Civil War. For his role in this effort, Lincoln has the dubious distinction of being the ‘most devisive president of our history’.

However, even if Lincoln had not won the election the Civil War would not have been prevented. The issue of slavery, compounded by the growing confusion over the extent of state’s rights, polarized this country, and there was no moderate ground on which the two sides could meet. All Lincoln needed to do was be elected for the split to widen until it almost broke the nation in two.

Bloody years later, the South was defeated and the slow task of healing began, except now, there were no slave states and free states, and all people were free – though it would take about a hundred years to really begin the true fight for freedom, and its a fight that never completely ends.

If Lincoln could be seen as divisive, we could say that this divisiveness was necessary for the time. Though we paid a heavy price during the Civil War, the nation emerged stronger than before – with a surer sense of its own identity. The issue of which state would be slave versus which state free was finally resolved, once and for all. We could pick up the pieces and move on, and move on we did, right into the industrial era and into a time of increased prosperity and expansion.

Fast forward to today and though the issues may differ, we are again faced with a strongly polarized nation. However, this time the issues aren’t as clear cut and the lines of division not so neatly laid out geographically.

Some would say that is this country is polarized around the issue of Iraq; however, if you look back, before Iraq, before the Twin Towers, even before the election of GW Bush, you’ll see that our country had been deeply divided for some time and the only thing holding us together was the prosperity we enjoyed in the 1990’s.

Though Bush did not win the popular vote in 2000, he did win almost 50% of the vote and it was the closeness of this election that reflected the growing divide in the US. On the one hand was Gore–liberal, relatively socialistic in regards to economic programs, and a strong advocate of separation of church and state. On the other side is Bush–conservative, almost libertarian in his economic viewpoint, and I don’t think there’s any doubt about the nature of his religious beliefs and the government.

When Bush won, what should have happened is that equilibrium between the sides would have been upset by his actions. Once upset, forces from both sides of the issues would have become galvanized, and we would then be spending the next four years working these issues.

Is there true separation of church and state, or is God to become a prominent fixture of our government? How far can the states go in declaring their rights – to the point of discrimination against gays, or abolishment of abortion?

Does society have a responsibility to its citizens – to see that they have food, and adequate health care and good education? Or is a better to decrease the amount each citizen is taxed and allow local government and charity to fill in whatever gaps open when the federal government is reduced. In addition, how far does the government go to ensure its citizens have jobs and that trade with other countries is balanced? Again, is it healthier to keep our borders closed, or our companies competitive?

These are issue we’ve been pushing back and forth for decades without resolution until the election of 2000. This election was a reflection of the time as much as a call to action, and though the resulting wars would be fought with ink and paper instead of musket and cannon, they would be as fierce. However, when the dust finally clears, though the battles be painful, hopefully the country would emerge stronger, and with a clearer understanding of its direction.

This was the path our country was destined to take…until fate stepped in and we all watched as two planes flew into two towers and all hell broke loose in our lives. Somebody had come in and knocked both sides down, and when we got up again, we forgot where we were standing. Beyond the shared pain at the suffering of those killed and those left behind, this event shattered lines of membership, but did not do so cleanly.

Using the Civil War era as analogy, the Twin Tower bombings would be equivalent to a large, organized and armed group in Canada deciding to invade the US because of old angers on behalf of Britain, and choosing to do so by burning down Washington DC–just as Lincoln was elected and the South was ready to secede.

This event would have united our country to defeat a new common foe, while still leaving the old equilibrium issues to be fought at a later time; this is a state that is, at best, neutral; at worst, highly uncomfortable and strained–adding to the pressure of the unresolved issues would then be the additional conflict introduced when one is forced to take sides with another who was, just the day before, the enemy.

Bush’s election upset the equilibrium held together by spit and coin in the decades past; but when we could have used these last four years to fully face and even resolve the issues of Church and State, a society’s economic responsibility to its citizens, and the citizen’s rights to live life without interference, we have instead been given a new and unexpected challenge; a challenge that has forced apart groups once solidly united, and made partners out of those who can barely tolerate each other.

You might think that this could be a good thing: after all, if Canada had invaded the US and caused the South and North to join together to keep those crazy Canucks from stomping all over our fair land with their furry shoes and strange spellings, we wouldn’t have had a Civil War.

Okay, so the analogy is weak, and the best I can come up with during the too early hours on too little sleep. But I stand behind the premise: the issue of slavery versus free, and state’s rights would not have gone away just because we were united against a common foe; instead, the war would only be postponed, as the populace grows ever angrier because of the confusion of conflicting memberships.

Such is what we have today.

Four years ago we had those who supported separation of church and state and those who believed in bringing Christianity into the government, and the lines were distinct and each side knew the other. Now both sides may or may not share the same table at dinner because one member or the other has been forced to change sides because of their stand on Iraq or on the Patriot Act or the war on terror. How many liberals do we know that now talk of voting for Bush because of his fight against terrorism? How many Republicans shake their head when they hear Bush’s vehement stance against gay marriage? But not all is love among new compatriots – those unresolved issues still haunt us in addition to these new fears. If each side didn’t have those pushing from the outside, they would soon fall to fighting among themselves.

I don’t think true polarization could cause the anger we all seem to be experiencing now. If we were truly polarized, I think we would feel a sense of peace in knowing that our beliefs are shared by those standing side by side with us. Now, it’s all messed up. Is the anger caused by the polarization? Or by having to jump into bed with despised bedfellows?

Unfortunately, to make matters worse, our anger has grown beyond our border. If it had been contained within the US, other nations might look on in interest, but not feel engaged. But we moved the fight outside of our lands and we took it to the Middle East, and in doing so, we pulled in those from all corners of the world, and we’ve now, innocently or not, become the beast that’s upset the apple cart. Our war on terror became everyone’s war on terror; people are pulled in, but not cleanly and with this war comes the same sense of conflict, that galvanization across issues until, frankly, we’re all fucked up. And tired.

Tired of being angry and angry at being tired.

When something like the Spirit of America comes along, it’s with a shout of relief that ‘both sides’ declare truce in order to do a good thing. But the relief is short lived, because when some of us would question the premise behind this organization, we’re met with almost overwhelming anger; usually by the same people who four years ago, we would have stood shoulder to shoulder with.

The old saying in our country goes, “united we stand, divided we fall”. But sometimes there’s more peace in being cleanly divided.

Categories
Government

Too many storms this last week

This week and last have been difficult weeks, starting with the storms and then the situation with the IRS.

Thanks to the Taxpayer Advocate’s office, we have established that a) I have done nothing wrong, and b) the revenue officer has gone way beyond standard operating procedure in her behavior. All forms that need filed, have been filed. As for the taxes I’m making payments on, I have fulfilled all my obligations to the IRS on this, as was confirmed by both the Advocate’s office and another member of the IRS yesterday. Both of whom, I want to add, were reassuring and helpful, as well as friendly.

Yet today I received a nasty letter that left me shaking by the time I was finished with it, especially after making sure everything was resolved yesterday. The Advocate says that I need to now file a complaint with the area supervisor, as these actions are inappropriate to take considering that the only problem was that they couldn’t find a copy of one of my forms.

When I talked with the Advocate, I told her that the letters and conversations have been both confusing and very intimidating. I liked what she had to say: The IRS is a servant of the people; I have done nothing wrong; I have a right to be free from intimidation; the IRS officer forgot this right.

But this has exhausted me, in addition to cutting into my work time, which is putting me badly behind schedule. What I need, desperately need, is a couple of quiet days in a cabin somewhere–to catch my breath as well as get caught up in my work. Unfortunately, I don’t know of anyone with a nice waterside place nearby; even if I did, it would probably be under water with the current flooding.

But once I recover from today’s IRS incident–a walk, and Ted Drewes frozen custard comes to mind–I have to focus completely on work. If I have energy, I’ll post another LAMP essay later— just for you folks who say you don’t “do” code. Once it’s online, it will be the last post for me for a time.


Not me

I thought about following Feministe’s approach of having ‘guest bloggers’ while I’m earning money to give to the IRS. After all, I liked what she had to say about the latest “where are the good women bloggers” fooflah:

Whether or not certain female bloggers are good is up to the reader and the reader’s worldview. You certainly don’t have to think that I’m good, but I’m here, I’m writing, and I will continue to do so whether you think I suck or not.

If you want to know where the women who blog about politics are, well, here we are. You don’t have to like us, read us, or respect us, but don’t deny our existence altogether.

I am writing, and will continue to do so whether you think I suck or not. We should all tattoo this on our fingers.

Anyway, I thought that I could invite Jeneane to pretend to be me, and have a lot of fun twisting your minds; but you might like her too much, and not want me back. My ego can’t deal with the risk.

Instead what I’m going to do is pull up some old, favorite posts from past glory days. I thought that it’s almost like having a guest blogger, because my writing has changed between then and now.

But then, so have all of you.

TTFN


Busted!

Categories
Political

Fish swimming the wrong way

Recovered from the Wayback Machine.

I can’t be the only person who is uncomfortable with the premise behind Spirit of America. But I looked around, and see nothing but universal approval of this organization.

Look at the premise behind this organization–it fills requests submitted by service people. This sounds good, true. But it also sounds like a lot of propaganda, and not just in Iraq.

When you consider that one of the largest ‘requests’ met was to provide TV gear so that the people of Iraq could have access to ‘unbiased’ news, doesn’t this give you the slightest pause?

Current TV news in Iraq often carries negative, highly-biased accounts of the U.S. presence. Unanswered, its effect is to stoke resentment and encourage conflict. The Marines seek to ensure the Iraqi people have access to better, more balanced information. By equipping local television stations and providing the ability to generate news and programming, the Marines will create a viable news alternative – one owned and operated by local Iraqi citizens.

The donated equipment will be the property of the Iraqi stations. The stations can create their own news and choose their own programming with the agreement that they will prohibit airing of anti-coalition messages that incite the local population. The stations also agree to sell airtime at a fair market price so that the Marines can communicate their information efficiently and quickly when needed.

For example, images were recently broadcast of a mosque in Fallujah damaged during fighting. With these stations the Marines could have provided the full picture by airing video of combatants firing on them from the mosque grounds. These stations would have enabled Iraqis to understand the complete picture. News of reconstruction projects and humanitarian assistance that balances the news of conflict will also be provided on these stations. The stations will be free to criticize the Coalition.

I read this and did not get a warm and fuzzy. Do you all read this, and get a warm and fuzzy?

There are the heart touching stories of dental kits for kids and frisbees and lots of pictures of really cute kids, and I can see how questioning this would be tantamount to, well, kicking kittens, but read the following:

“The amount of poverty and desperation after the Hussein regime is legion. Hopefully kids will grow up in this free Iraq because we were here. Kids just love to hear you talk and sing and know that you care about them. We will help them again in the future.”

“It is not yet safe for non-military humanitarian organizations operate in Iraq as they can in other nations. Therefore, in many cases, it falls to the American military in the region to provide that extra relief to help the people recover. Kirkuk is “home” to the 507 AEG at Kirkuk AB.”

I think it’s great these soldiers want to help…but I can’t help thinking an Iraq safe enough for non-military organizations, much less the people, themselves, has to be a priority. For instance, these schools discussed–which ones will allow girls, and how safe will it be for the girls to attend? Just something that came to mind when I read the description.

Spirit of America just seems like so much dripping patriotism, like butter on hot pancakes. More of a way to feel good about ourselves then to really make a meaningful difference in Iraq.

Update

I don’t mean to ignore the other excellent comments in this list–regardless of whether they are in agreement or not–but did want to specifically address one that has been on my mind tonight. Dave Rogers asked:

Now, all that being said, I could be wrong. There may some aspect of this idea that I haven’t thought of that makes it a totally bad idea. I’m not sure what that would be, but if someone makes a convincing case for why this is a bad idea, then I would certainly actively oppose it.

That pushed me into looking more closely about why I disliked Sprit of America, enough to actively write against it. Is it because it’s rather saturated with patriotism? Or that the effort is more for the people of this country then the Iraqi? These are both valid concerns, but not enough to explain my own strong reaction.

I was about to go to bed, and it hit me: because it’s a lie. It’s a nice lie, and a patriotic lie, but it’s a lie.

The Spirit group says that the effort is to help the Iraqi people, but we know just from the discussion here and elsewhere related to the first deliverable of television equipment that most of the effort is being directed at creating a positive image of America in Iraq. This isn’t bad–but that’s not the ostensible reason given for this action. So the very premise is based on a lie.

However, that’s not important. What is important is: is it a good lie? Does great good come of Spirit of America regardless of the inherent truth behind it? After all, kids get toys, and people get tools. These are good things.

True–but I can see harm coming from these actions; how we perceive these acts won’t be the same as how others, including the people in Iraq, will perceive these acts.

If this catches on and ends up in the media, which I’m sure it will, and Iraq and the Middle East see us patting ourselves on the back for sending a bunch of frisbees to the country, after we had just been exposed for harming and humiliating prisoners, what will their reaction be?

We send television stations after closing down those run locally, but tell the people that they can still run their own programs. Is this not a lie? Is there not a caveat that says they can’t incite the local populace, and they have to allow the Marines to run ‘ads’? Leads one to wonder: why would Marines need to run ads? And what do they mean by ‘incite’ the local populace? Perhaps by showing photos of the prisoners being humilated? This incited a fair number of people in this country – I imagine that they were a tad pissed in Iraq.

Our own hypocrisy must come into play as we compare ourselves the people of Iraq and pride ourselves on how much more in control we are. We have heard in this list how incitement of the people here is so different from incitement of the people there. After all, when they get angry in Iraq, they kill.

Well, guess what boys and girls: our history is littered with people getting angry and killing in this country. Last time I looked, more Iraqi have died because we got angry over two towers being destroyed in New York, then Americans have died because Iraqi are angry at us.

We talk about training the people in Iraq and giving them tools, as if they are children and have no skills or craft themselves. Have we totally forgotten that civilization started in that country? Are we so blind to the fact that they are college educated, and skilled, and connected, and they don’t need our patronage? They need peace.

Do we continue sending a message to the world that we in this country think of the Iraqi as slow intellect children with poor impulse control who need our help? Seeing us in this arrogant light, I don’t particularly much like America, either.

Will you send me a frisbee to change my mind?

They don’t need our tools. They need our damn respect. Can we wrap that in a red, white, and blue ribbon and send it?

Jeff Jarvis wrote:

This is important work on so many levels: As Dan says, no matter what you think about the war, we have a human obligation to help the Iraqi people. But it is also enlightened self-interest: If we can help the Iraqis build their nation and their democracy and if we can connect with them on a personal level – if, to be blunt, we can demonstrate that Americans are not ugly – then we create a foothold for democracy, freedom, modernity, civilization, and just friendship in the Middle East.

…then we create a foothold for democracy, freedom, modernity, civilization, and just friendship in the Middle East… Sorry, but that’s not respect.

I am reminded of the movie Pollyanna, and the fine, wealthy ladies of the community and their acts of charity to the poorer people of the town. In the movie this was exposed as a false act, because there was no respect given as part of the gift.

I have no doubts that there are a lot of good people involved with Spirit of America–people who really want to help out in Iraq. And I respect that and them: for their generosity and their wanting to do something to help. I have not given them the credit they deserve, and for that, I was remiss, and apologize.

And I agree that if the soldiers want to help then they should be given the means to help–by providing security for those organizations equipped to help properly.

If we truly care about the people of Iraq, then we ask our service people to do their job: with courtesy to the people, and kindness, and friendliness. However, these service people don’t need toys, they need training. They need to be rotated out when they’re tired, and they need to stop being lied to about when they’re coming home. Above all they need to realize they have to respect these people, because Iraq is their home, not ours.

In addition, we need to fire every person in command who encourages our service people to humiliate the people of that country. Starting at the top…which is us. We can’t buy our way out of embarrassment.

If we want to contribute goods or services, then there are several good organizations that will help in the area, including Doctors without Borders–but without a patriotic price tag attached. We need to encourage the UN to work with the US and Iraq and other Middle East countries to ensure these organizations can work without fear. And then we need to contribute to help keep them going. They’re experienced in providing lasting help;all we are is a bunch of bloggers with too much patriotic bunting on our hands, and perhaps a little too much ‘go with the flow’ good vibes leading us hither and yon. And yes, genuine interest in helping.

We have to realize that no matter what we do, the Iraqi people are not going to suddenly like us overnight. We have tromped rather heavily in their country, and we haven’t been on our best behavior since. Perhaps over time, if we follow through on our commitments, and we start thinking of the people with respect, they might begin to at least learn to tolerate us; maybe someday, they’ll grow to like us.

We also have to realize that a few trinkets may have bought us an island in the past, but they aren’t going to buy us love, now.

I feel with this writing that I have joined the ranks of those speaking with utmost surety. Can’t you hear my fist pounding on the table? Where’s my box? Believe me, though, when I say that I fully realize my take on this could be completely, and absolutely wrong.

Perhaps this struggle will be overcome with a frisbee. Wouln’t that be nice, if that’s all it took?

Categories
Political

National day of prayer

Thursday is this country’s National Day of Prayer. This day was set aside back in the 1950’s, the same era when “In God We Trust” was added to the coins, and “Under God” added to the Pledge of Allegience. The purpose of the event is to bring people together from all denominations to pray for the country and to give thanks. Normally I don’t even notice when this day occurs. This year, though, it has several very interesting aspects to it.

First of all, I read that all are welcome to pray on Thursday, but only those members from certain Christian churches can lead prayer sessions. This has peeved the Mormon Church who have been told that they may not lead prayer sessions–in Utah, no less.

Of course if you’re Jewish or Muslim, Hindu, or a member of a Christian sect outside of those classified as a “evangelical Christian Church”, you also can’t lead a prayer session on this day. Well, I suppose you could. I don’t think you’ll get arrested if you do. In fact, if you don’t pray, you probably won’t get arrested.

That’s kind of reassuring.

Now, Oliver North is leading a prayer session. He’s been designated as the Honorary Chair for this year’s events (oh, and by the way, you can order his book here, at the NDP site). Yes, that is the Oliver North of the Iran-Contra illegal gun sales.

(In case you don’t know US history that well, that was when we sold guns to Iran (fighting Iraq–we also supplied arms to Iraq) and then used the money to fund terrorists in Nicaragua.)

Yeah, that Oliver North.

I’m not giving an opinion about this day of prayer led by evangelical Christian churches, to pray for our ‘campaign of freedom’ in Iraq and elsewhere, led by a man who was involved in one of the worst scandals to have ever hit this country.

Nope. No opinion at all.

By the way, what are you doing this Thursday during the Day of Prayer?

Categories
Political

Can we still be friends

What happens after the Presidential elections in the United States in November has been on my mind a lot lately. The ramifications for my country are significant, and of the seven elections I’ve participated in the past (missing the eighth because I turned 18 two weeks after the election), I don’t remember one having such a degree of emotional commitment as this election. No, not even the elections during the Vietnam War.

This year we’re seeing two hundred years of political flashpoints come together into one huge, and disturbingly virulent fireball: race, religion, state rights versus federal; US as empire and US as peacekeeper terrorism, expanionism, libertarian versus socialistic economics, and the role of the federal government; abortion, gay marriage, immigration, health care, creationism versus evolution, and the environment and progress.

It’s almost like a bad poem, and since I missed the Blogger poem day yesterday:

Race, religion, fed versus state
who do we appreciate?

US as empire and peacekeeper, too
boils down to US rules.

Terrorism and expansionism
put the bad guys into prison.

Libertarian or social, true.
I got mine, and so do you.

Abortion or gay,
who holds sway?

Give us your money,
you can keep your poor.

It’s okay to die,
just don’t get sick.

Can’t stuff a tree into a gas tank
but it’s hard to breath petroleum.

God created me, you stupid ape.

But more than just the impact this election will have on this country and the world,
I wonder about the impact on our online relationships with each other. To say that nothing will change after this election in regards to our interactions with others we’ve come to know online is foolishly optimistic. Of course things will change, but how they’ll change, I don’t know.

I’m lucky in that over half the people I’ve come to know online are not from this country. I’ve been able to meet people from South Africa and Canada; Austrlia, New Zealand, and the UK; Germany, France, Italy, Brazil, Japan, South Korea, Israel, Iraq, China, and other countries known and not. It’s been a rich experience, but its also been painful at times . Never before have I been able to borrow so many other’s eyes to see my own country, and the sight has not always been pretty or pleasant.

There are not a lot of countries who are very happy with the United States now, but much of the anger has been directed at the President and his staff. After all, Bush did not win the popular vote, so we can’t necessarily be held accountable for his actions. But what happens if Bush gets re-elected? At that time Bush’s actions will be seen as following the mandate of the people of this country, and how is that going to alter other country’s views of each of us?

If Bush is re-elected, can we still be friends?

Even when I share much of the same views as those who would condemn our actions, I have found myself experiencing tension, more than once, with someone I consider friend, primarily because of condemnation of our actions has been balanced, precariously, against condemnation of the nation as a whole. And good or bad, I am part of this nation.

I’ve known Chris, otherwise known as Stavros of Emptybottle almost longer than anyone else, but when he says in my comments, “I hate America”, it is difficult for me to accept this with any form of objectivity. What “America”, I want to say. I am part of America.

I have long respected Mike Golby’s satirical eloquence and his passion, and he has become an important part of my life, but even so earlier in April I found myself pushing back at him, in anger:

What do you want, Mike?

You don’t want Bush. You don’t want Kerry. You don’t like Americans, because we fuck up constantly.

Do you want us to just detonate all of out atomic bombs over our own country and wipe us off the face of the world? Will that then end all evil, since we are the root of?

I’ve read Mike’s condemnation of the Bush administration and our actions for months and never had anything but agreement. So why did I get angry this time? I think it’s because I see that precarious balance against America, the government and America, the people. Even when Mike says this is bullshit, he also writes:

Until U.S. citizens start telling the U.S. administration what they think of it, the world and I can only believe they condone what is happening in Iraq and elsewhere.

Yet I don’t want Chris or Mike to stop what they are saying because I do agree with their anger; I know, intellectually, neither means me when they make their statements. But what will happen between us if Bush were re-elected? Will that anger grow? If so, will the tension grow, too?

Even within the country, Bush being re-elected is going to create an enormous amount of tension. If I seem to be angry at Mike for demanding that we be held accountable for our actions, imagine the contradiction when I turn around and get angry at other of my fellow citizens for just this same reason.

I should maintain an intellectual detachment from the political process, but I cannot. Every time I hear the President invoke religion as his platform, I will find myself pushing back at the religious, yes even those who are tolerant. Every time I hear the President paint yet another country as ‘evil’, I lash out at even the most reasonable in his support. Every time I see a wilderness area opened up for oil exploration, or more foul substances released into the air or water, I turn my frustrated, heart broken, and desperate eyes of rage on the nearest moderate Republican, and I let loose with both barrels.

“Damn you! Look what you’ve done!”

You might think that in those circles where only the like-minded frequent, such as among the warbloggers, the results of the election won’t be an impact on the relationships because the people agree. If Bush doesn’t win, they will support each other. If Bush does win, they will still support each other.

However, it doesn’t take much to see that among the warbloggers, for the most part, the only thing they do agree on is Bush’s aggressive military stance. Once the election is over, Bush winning or not, what will then form the cohesive elements in their lives? At that point, I see many reaching a point of burn out and either they will quit or they will change. No one can talk about war every day, day in day out, no matter how much they relish it now. But if the warbloggers don’t have war–what will they have?

What if Bush does not win, like I and so many others hope? One can say if getting Bush re-elected is the cohesive force behind those who support “the war”, whatever “the war” is, making sure Bush isn’t elected is just as much a cohesive force for others.

Look around you. Can you see all of us engaging in the same level of rhetoric for the next four years? But do we then write about poetry and technology and bookbinding and hiking and ignore the hundreds that were just blown up in Baghdad? I can, and I will, and so will you–but sometimes the words seem stretched thin, like new skin over an open wound.

Maybe they are. New skin signifies healing.

Regardless of the election results, I think too many things have been in motion for us to ever pull out without enormous damage, no matter what course we take. I’d like to think that we can mend our differences with other countries, and find a solution to Iraq and the Middle East, and save the environment, and feed the hungry and care for the sick, but unlike so many other pundits, I don’t know what the solutions are.

(Speaking of pundits, how many sincere essays written with an absolute confidence that the weblogger knows the truth can we read before our heads implode? Including our own essays (as I raise my hand signifying my own guilt)? When I see somebody write with gentle humility or compassion or humor now, I want to cry. I want to drink in the words like they are water in the desert. I’ll even partake of delicious arrogance, if it’s done in service of poking holes in our self-satisfied bubbles.)

Perhaps I am too sensitive, or lacking in the objectivity or the necessary degree of intellectualism that allows us to have our dissenting dialogs without blowing apart in fire and bits of burnt ego. After the election, we will continue as we are, with no difference, and I am seeing non-existent specters. At this point, you’re all shaking your heads with pity for me, all the while in the back of your mind is a single thought: let’s form a pool to see when she’ll crack.

Maybe I’m just experiencing the frustration of feeling close to people who I haven’t met physically, and most likely never will, and I miss that direct contact. I can’t hug Chris or Mike to reaffirm that we are friends despite our countries and our differences, and this makes it worse. I must also admit, too, in quiet moments, that even if we were to have the chance, we might still not meet because what we share is woven of silver threads that are beautiful as long we don’t look directly at them.

And maybe it’s nothing more than my mood reflecting this gray day and the storm last night. It’s odd, but as I lay there in the dark and watched the lightning through the window and listened to the crack of thunder, I thought about the events in the last few weeks, and how the brightest moment in them was a silly little meme known as “23rd page, fifth sentence”.

It is now 185 days until November 2nd, 2004