Category: Just Shelley

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Just Shelley

For Life

First published sometime in 1997, I believe, at the original YASD site.

Today, today, I have reconciled myself to dying. We all die, eventually. I will die … someday, hopefully far into the future. Now that I’ve got that out of the way, I might as well live, and stop being afraid of the inevitability of dying. The funny thing about inevitabilities is that you can’t run from them, hide from them, or push them off. So ignore them, and move on.

Who is this person who’s crawled into my skin? I used to be such a gutsy person who didn’t back away from any challenge. Now I sit in a chair surfing the Net – living vicariously through a wire: a pseudo peeping tom on the world. When I’m not online, I sit in a pub or library or park, listening to other people’s lives. Excuse me, but whatever happened to going out and creating my own? Since when did I become a miser, holding on to each day like it was a bright and shiny copper penny that I couldn’t let go?

Life was meant to go by in a blaze of experiences and events and sharing and caring and things done and places visited. You spend each day freely and with abandon, and you know you’ve lived successfully when you reach the end of your time and realize that your life has passed swiftly, in a blur–a kaleidoscope of memories, rich and colorful and warm.

Today I put on music and I danced around my living room as I used to long ago, way back in a time when I wore flowers in my hair. I danced for the sheer joy of dancing and I connected with that long ago younger daughter that was me and for a moment I was in a time machine in my own mind – a time warp between then and now. I danced not for work and not for exercise and not for socialization and not because I ought to or had to, but for the joy of the act, the love of the music. I danced because I wanted to.

There should be one rule in your life, one absolute: no regrets. Whatever you do or don’t decide, do so with an understanding that you’ve made a choice and don’t look back with regrets. Look forward…always look forward.

Follow your instincts about what’s best and right for yourself. Don’t say, “If I do this, I may regret it later.” That’s not the way to live. You have to grab life, and its experiences, with both hands and hold on for all its worth. It’s a wild ride at times, and a scary one, but you’ll get to where you’re going in the end. You’ll get to where you should be.

For me, I find joy in my writing. But somehow, somewhere, I stopped writing for myself, and started writing for others. I didn’t write what I wanted to say, I wrote what others wanted to hear. That’s not life; that’s just going through the motions.

I once told someone:

I love to write. Writing to me is a shield when I’m hurt and a weapon
when I’m angry. It is friend and lover, and a thief of time. It exposes
me and hides me. It is there in the morning, and there in the evening. Of all the chaos of life, writing is my one constant.

When I’m hurt or I’m afraid of hurting, I write and with my writing
heal or am healed. One in the same.

Take a moment, put on some music, and dance around your living room or your bedroom, or go dance in the street if you want. Or play a guitar, or run through the park, or fly a kite. Or write. For the joy of it. For life.

Categories
Just Shelley

Pleasing the masses

Another one from Dynamic Earth, edited for modern times.

One person somewhere in the Universe will really hate my (new web site design | photograph | writing | haircut | opinion). They’ll hate it with an almost overwhelming passion, and will be filled with a sense of loathing of it, and of me.

One person somewhere in the Universe will really love (my new web site design | photograph | writing | haircut | opinion). They’ll love it almost as much as sex, and more than chocolate, and think me a Goddess. I will be falling over them, as they kiss my feet.

The rest of the Universe will fall somewhere in between. I can live with this.

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Writing

New Icy frost Leatherwood

Allan Moult has completely redesigned Leatherwood Online and I like the new look. It’s a variation on the triple column, but giving more prominence to the main content. Allan’s also created a bunch of new blogs to support the site.

One new section focuses entirely on the Antarctica, and I think this really gives the site the one last hook it needed, appealing to the scientist/adventurer in all of us. And think of the photo opportunities, such as the following photo from Doug Thost.

If I ever get around to trying out more new site looks, I’d like to do some based on that unique and glorious blue color that very old ice gets.

Of course, this new effort also fits with my interest in squid, in particular the giant varieties of squid. I’m working on an interview of Dick Williams, expedition leader for a unique land/marine study that resulted in this accidental photo of one of the larger squid species (still being determined).

But all my attention isn’t devoted completely to icy vistas and tenacious marine life. There was this recipe for warm stout and chocolate pudding that also caught my fancy…

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Just Shelley

It never rains but it pours

I just had an unexpected visit from the IRS. They showed up at my door with no warnings. I had no idea there was any problem, or anything wrong.

It would seem they don’t have the last form 940 for my corporation, which I closed in 2002. I had a letter to this effect last year, about not getting this form. That was cool, so sent them a copy. Didn’t hear another word. Not another word in over six months.

I also filed on time for my individual taxes for 2002 (filed in 2003) and 2003 (filed in 2004). Since I didn’t have the cash to pay the taxes owed, I sent in the form requesting payments, and have been making payments for my taxes owed last year ever since. I also just now received a letter from the IRS, on Friday, accepting my payment plan for both years and giving me a form to make first payment for the combined liability. But then Monday I received a note that all taxes were due, because none had been paid, and forms not filed.

And then I received a visit this morning from the IRS.

I hope I can find my copies of everything. Luckily the bank maintains copies of the checks, and I found my returns. I hope that none of the paperwork I need was in the unit that I sold off. I can’t afford a lawyer to represent me.

The bizarre thing about form 940 is that it would have nothing to do with taxes paid. I was an S corporation, and therefore didn’t pay corporate taxes. I paid my unemployment, and my social security, too. I paid income taxes through my individual tax return, and she said I did pay for all monies on my individual account – but I didn’t file the 940.

So now I’ll spend my day going through all my papers again, and faxing anything I can think of–because if I don’t she told me she will pursue financial and criminal avenues by the end of the week. So I’ll fax everything! Everything! And then hope this isn’t seen as a nuisance and therefore also make me criminally liable.

And it was a nice day, today, too. I thought about going for a walk.

At least there’s one good thing: it wasn’t someone from Ashcroft’s office, investigating me for my past critical writing about him and the President.

(Ooops! Well, now I’ve done it, haven’t I?)

If I end up in jail, will you bake me a cake?

update

Sorry for ’sharing too much’ with this post. I was finishing up my previous post when the IRS agent came by, and just sort of wrote my reactions. I realize, though, that this can fall into that category of “information you’d rather I not share”.

It does look like I have all the paperwork needed. Still rattled though. But will try and post happy writing later. Except that I was going to write about how amazed I am that no one seems to be questioning the Spirit of America. I can’t be the only person hesitant about the premise behind this operation, am I?

Categories
Just Shelley

Salt and Pepper

I don’t follow too many traditions when it comes to holidays. Without strong family ties or kids, I don’t celebrate Halloween or Thanksgiving; and since I lack a religious foundation, I don’t celebrate Easter or Christmas. However, I still make fried chicken and my three favorite cold salads on the Friday before Memorial weekend, ready to eat when anyone is hungry. Since the food is already made, there’s no cooking, and few dishes. Tomorrow I’ll pack some up in a cooler and take some of it with me on my explorations; the rest I’ll leave for my roommate, to nosh on while I give him some private time in the house.

I love to cook, but I’m not a fancy cook. I seldom use more than one or two spices in any dish, and rarely use any that are considered ‘hot’. I like the food to speak for itself, and my salads–potato, three bean, and antipasto–and chicken reflect this.

When I worked at Boeing in Seattle, I used to go with one of the groups I worked with to a Chinese restaurant not far from my house. I liked the place because the food was fresh and flavorful, and attractive; my workmates liked it because it served hot, hot Szechuan style of food. They’d sit eating the food and sweating from the spiciness as they good naturedly gave me a bad time for staying with the simple, lightly seasoned dishes.

I have no doubts, none, not one of them has a taste bud left, now.

No, I don’t like heavily spiced meals. A little salt, a little pepper, maybe a little garlic and onion, and you have about the perfect enhancement for almost any dish. Well, except cookies. But then you can use both salt and pepper in cookies. And garlic in ice cream.

Among the stacks of books on bookbinding and various other topics picked up recently from my local libraries, I also found a cookbook titled, “Salt & Pepper”. Among the intriguing recipes and beautiful photographs are stories about the history of both salt and pepper, in addition to a detailed discussion about the varieties in each.

I have used more esoteric salts and peppercorns in cooking, but this book introduced me to exotics such as fleur de sel, a French salt that forms as a thin layer on seaside ponds in France and prized for it’s flavor, appearance, and texture; or pink Hawaiian sea salt. And the recipes!

There was salted tangerines with a black pepper dipping sauce, classic red sandwich, or deep fried lima beans. Salt and Pepper Candied Pecans. It even featured chocolate cookies spiced with pink peppercorns; all recipes light on spice except for salt and pepper, depending more on the other ingredients and the unusual and balanced combinations of foods to generate the flavor.

Salt and pepper. You might look down you nose at them as plain and simple, but lose them, and you might as well loose your joy in food.

A vegetarian friend of mine from long ago was also a gourmet cook and would have us over for these fantasic meals. She would add a pinch of this a dash of that until you could barely taste the ingredients of the dishes. Of course, tofu figured heavily, so I didn’t mind.

She would laugh, though, about my stinginess when it came to using spices. After all, it was she who introduced me to cilantro and curries, and chilis and whatnot, only to have her lessons go for naught. One day on the way to work, I said that she’d be proud of me, I was finally starting to branch out in my use of spices. She asked what spice. I answered, “Pepper”, and she laughed until I thought she was going to wreck the car.

But that’s just it — I was exploring with pepper. Different kinds of pepper and using pepper in different ways. For instance, you might know about putting salt on watermelon, but how about pepper on a granita (slushy) made of the watermelon’s juice? The same people that will add 23 different types of spices to a dish will look blankly at you when you talk about putting pepper on watermelon.